White Wine and Ginger Ale.

It's not champagne, but it works for me tonight.
Half a can of Canada Dry. Half a glass of cheap white wine. Mixed.
Poor man's champagne.
But like I said, it works for me. Tonight.

We're on the cusp of another year, and I've been spending this most lazy Saturday reading Facebook statuses and twitter updates about New Year Resolutions, failures and successes and how they are ultimately "pointless".
One post said: "Fuck resolutions. If you want to change your life, then change it. Don't set a date. Just do it."
Like Nike.
I agree. And I disagree.

There is a certain "clean slate" feel to a new year. Even if it's man-made, it is the end of a 12 month cycle.
It's a way to mark things...a check point, I guess, and it never hurts to take inventory, check for damages, see where we could have improved, see where we got the gold star. Put band-aids on if we need to, brag about the beautifully healed scars, remnants of our wounds.
I've had a hit and miss year. Lots of highs.
A great year, because every year is great.

It was a year jam packed full of opportunity to learn.
I just have to decide if I've learned...and what I've learned.
*sigh*
More on that in a bit.
While I was skimming through all the New Year's eve quotes and songs and all that end-of-the-year wrap-up stuff that one expects (and always get me a bit nostalgic) - I chanced upon an interesting thread.
Someone today - a friend - on Facebook was saying "people who wish and hope and pray, are wasting their time".
He argued that those who spend time "praying" and "putting it out into the universe" - he said those people need to get up off their asses, claim responsibility for themselves and for their own desires - and do right by their own accord, for their own advancement.
It's realistic.
He got some flack, people calling him negative, but in truth - I think it's actually very positive.
No more living in La La Land.

Does it hurt to pray? Of course not. I mean, think about what prayer is...really.
It's an examination of what you have - acknowledging the good in life and being thankful, not taking it for granted.
It's also a way of taking inventory, going over what you need, the things you require to better your situation. That's the logical take on prayer. The "practical" side. And it ends there.
And as it stands - There's nothing wrong with that.
If you want to have a conversation in your own head, a conversation with an invisible man, a conversation with "a god, any god" - well - what hurt is their in that?

It's when people start thinking "prayer" is some kind of genie in a magic lantern - whose sole purpose is to full fill your deepest, most wildest desires.

Wishin' and hopin' and prayin' does not mean it's going to happen. Ever.
In truth - you are physically doing nothing. Those are all invisible - wishing and hoping and praying - it's like "pretending" - and really, unless you employ the ever famous and hip "thoughts become things" - all of those mental somersaults have no REAL impact on the world around us.

It reminded me of a story my boss told me.
It was about a young couple - a Christian couple - they had a child who was not doing well. The baby was born with some kind of severe birth defect and the doctors said it was only a matter of days.
They were heart broken. And they prayed. Their whole church prayed.
The baby died.
And someone from that church said: "You must not have prayed hard enough."
Can you imagine?

Now I'm not against praying. I am not.
But here's the thing: If praying was the answer to everything and worked that way - there'd be no need for ...ANYTHING.
Cancer? Just pray.
AIDS? Pray.
Poverty? Pray.
A gigantic porn start cock that looks erect but is still the perfect combo of "rock hard and rubbery in a flexible way"? Prayer would be the answer.
But - it is not.
That's the reality of it.
When "wishing" and "praying" become "let downs" - it means we are simply doing it wrong.

It's liberating to take the power back. To know that YOU are in control. That the whole "everything happens for a reason" - is just about perspective.
It's about how YOU look at things.
Do you look at a disaster as doom and gloom?
Or do you look at is as a chance to grow? As something to embrace with open arms and become stronger?
An open door - an opportunity - it is not "luck", nor is it "fate".
You find yourself able to CLAIM an opportunity because you worked your way to get there.
When you accomplish something, when you succeed in something - it is because you put the time and effort and thought into it. It is because you have confidence in yourself.
Sure, there is always fluke. And it's fluke. That's gravy.
But when you work at something, when you make your goals clear, and map out a path on how to get there - and then start building that ladder and then start climing it (jesus CHRIST I sound like Susan Fucking Powter) - that's ALL you.
It's far more powerful than wishing. And hoping. And praying.

It just got me thinking.
That whole threat.
About me. About resolutions. Ones I've made. Ones I've failed at.
I have no excuses. The ones that have happened, happened because I really wanted them to happen and worked for them to happen.
The ones that haven't...?
It's not that I didn't hope hard enough. It isn't that I didn't pray long enough. It is most certainly not that I didn't wish on every single star in the sky for six pack abs and and ass you could bounce an entire locker room full of hot hockey players off of.
No.
Accountability.
Resolutions.
Consider me resolved.

Ultimately I am responsible for everything in my life.
The good and the bad. And there is more good right now.
There is some questionable behaviour as well, and I can spend all year beating myself up about it...or I can learn.

And that's what I'm trying to figure out right now.
New Year's Eve, 2011.
8:03pm.

I'm thinking of what I have learned this year as I sip my poor man's champagne and wait for the left side of Dick Clark's face to drop.

xx,
dan