A Punch in the Heart.

I've never been one for doctors.
I mean, one never really "needs" one...until they...well...need one.
And by then, usually - it's not all that pretty. Or - it's just fine and all is well. Who am I to be so negative?
I guess a little bit scared, that's all.
For about 1 year or so I've felt these strange chest/arm pains, sporadically.
I know, not a good sign.
Center and left chest down to my left arm. Sharp, shooting pain accompanied by a delightful drumming sensation right around where my heart is.
And a shortness of breath. Nice, eh?
Incredibly - I just shrugged this off.
"It's nothing."
I am, after all, Superman.
In my own head anyway.
Hell - as a child, I used to prance around in a pair of boxer briefs and a cape - with my mother's pumps on while my father looked on in horror, probably thinking to himself: "What in God's name have I Created."
See? I am Superman.
Sorry. I need to get back on topic.
My heart.
Yes. The drumming. The shooting "pins and needles" arm pain. The shortness of breath.
I brushed it off because it only happens here and there and I am in decent shape. I am a vegetarian. I don't eat a lot of bad fat. I exercise on a regular basis. I'm not over-weight, save for an inch I'd like to shave off my waist.
Heart attack people look like John Candy. Red faced - like a big round tomato ready to explode. That's not me, nor would it be a very flattering look for me.
Anyway, this pain and sensation in my chest and arm - it started happening last week - but quite a bit. About 5 times in one week. Before it was once every 2 or 3 months.
So, I decided it was time to go to the E.R. - since I don't have a family doctor.
Six hours, 2 EKG's and 1 blood test later, I sat in front of the doctor as he scratched his head and said: "I really don't know what to tell you. You seem fine. But you should get a family doctor."
Yes. I should.
See - these little "spells" (I like calling them spells, because it reminds me of happiness, fairy tales and magic) come on at weird times.
I could by vegging on the couch - watching a documentary - say - The Eyes of Tammy Faye, for example, and I'll feel it. All of a sudden and out of nowhere.
One day I was leisurely window shopping at the mall when it came on.
Another time I was simply sitting at my desk doing exactly what I am doing right now.
The tests said I did not and was not having a heart attack.
But the doctor left it at that. Emergency was averted, no need to bust out the defibrillator. He sent me on my merry way.
Seeing as it was just days before Christmas - it really was merry.
However, nothing is solved.
I have had this sensation several times. My heart rate IS accelerated. Not overly so...but it's fast - it's on the cusp of "too high" - 97 beats per minute, and that's just sitting there. If it's over 100 - they consider that "no longer normal".
I don't get it.
I am in the process of getting a family doctor. I was referred by a friend, but most likely will not get in until sometime in the new year.
It does make me think of a few things...a quote from Warren Zevon (yes, "Werewolves of London guy") - who passed away and found out his time was up and it was too late to treat his condition.
He said on David Letterman: "I might have made a tactical error in not going to a physician for 20 years."
That scared me. Because I know deep down it's important for regular check ups.
I'll be 35 in May. Not old. But I have not been to a family doctor for a check up since I was 16.
And in that time I had a few kidney stones. Broke my pelvis. Became a vegetarian. Gained 30 pounds. Lost 30 pounds and dropped an organ: My gall bladder.
Not horrible.
But - not fantastic either. Not squeaky clean.
So here I am - part of me saying "it's nothing" - the other part wondering about all those years of bad diet, no vitamins, no check ups.
No doctor to ever stick his finger up my ass or cup my balls or listen to my heart or breathing.
I think about every Red Bull and "5 hour energy" drink I sucked back.
I remember once, before going on stage in a show at Kordazone theatre - it was a performance of Drag Too - my good buddy (who worked the lights) saw me chugging back a 5 Hour Energy drink and said: "Those get you going don't they?" and I replied: "Yup. Makes me wanna prance around the stage."
He looked at me and said simply: "Kind of like getting a punch in the heart."
That made me think. Because that was exactly what it felt like.
A jolt. A little shake and tremor in my chest. Not a wonderful sensation.
I think about my boot camps and coffees and double shots of espresso.
Then...that pain.
My arm going numb.
I think of scary things like blood clots and embolisms and strokes and brain damage.
I can't help but think these things. But mostly, I'm calm. It's true.
I just wonder...did I make a "tactical error"?
Sure it might not have been a heart attack..but it's something.
So...what?
Like the doctor in E.R., I scratch my head and say: "I don't know."
But I guess I have to find out. And I will.
I'm not a fan of Warren Zevon...I'm really not. Not his music.
I mean, I "get" his music. But I don't like it.
Yet, I'm reminded of another quote from him, one I think I'll end this little note on, fellow blog-a-teers.
When asked by David Letterman if he knew something more about life and death now that he had been diagnosed as terminal, Warren Zevon offered up a small and very healthy little serving of insight.
It's simple really, what he said...and it's probably the easiest thing to do and so few of us do it.
Why?
Again - I don't know.
But I'm gonna give it a lot more thought as we wind down this wonderful year of 2011.
He said, simply: "Enjoy every sandwich."