R.I.P. Pluto 1930 - 2006

Poor, icy planet Pluto.
Deemed insignificant by scientists.
Inferior.
Demoted from being a regular ole planet like the rest of us - to just - a "dwarf planet".
I guess it's so teeny tiny - gravity can't even squash it into a round ball.
Now, sometimes a small size is an advantage - they say the little ones are the quickest.
Except in Pluto's case.
It takes the poor dear 248 years to orbit the sun.
Yikes.

It makes me kinda nostaligic...I mean, I named my little kitty after this strange and distant "planet".
At the same time - i'm not going to lose any sleep over it.
So what? It's a dwarf planet.
What changes?
Sure - we were wrong about it all along - but we've been wrong about a ZILLION things all along.

A person who is mega-teeny-tiny or "dwarfed" (not sure if that's cool to say or not) is still just as much a person.
It's not like Pluto will lose its benefits, or not be able to vote in the next planetary election since it's been stripped of its "big boy" planet status.
In fact - I don't think much will change at all.
"Dwarf" is just a word.
That little, not-visible-to-the-naked-eye icy ball in the sky is still the same as it ever was.
In that sense - Pluto should be a lesson to us all.
She's still the same Pluto, regardless of what some scientist names her.

I guess a tribute is in order.
Did you know - Pluto was named Pluto by someone from the PHAIR family?
Her name was Venetia Burney Phair, an 11-year-old schoolgirl in England and she was studying mythology and Pluto was the god of Wealth.
Guess she thought it was a nifty name.
Obviously she had astronomers in her family - I'm guessing she was the daughter of a big-wig - because to name a fucking planet...that's pretty hardcore.
That happened in 1930 - so we haven't known about Pluto for that long.
Oddly enough - the disney character - Pluto - also made his debut that year - in 1930 as the mut-dog of Mickey Mouse. The character later morphed into Pluto as we know him today.

AND my kitty cat is named after Pluto as well - who in turn is named after the Bjork song Pluto - which can be found on her 1997 release Homogenic - but the ORIGINAL inspiration for the name Pluto came from Edgar Allan Poe's short story The Black Cat - in which Pluto the cat takes revenge on his alcoholic and abusive owner.
In highschool, this was one of my FAVORITE stories - and I always thought it was cool that Edgar Allan Poe named the cat Pluto long before there even was a planet - or sorrry..."Dwarf planet" named Pluto.
I always wanted a cat named Pluto. And now - I have one!!

But - the planet...I guess we can do nothing more but accept it as it is.
Dwarf planets are planets too you know.

Besides - who gives a fuck, really??

hearts and farts,
Dan

I believe the word is: "Whooopsie!"

"We're deeply distressed by the fact they took this man, dragged him back here from Bangkok, Thailand, with no forensic evidence confirming the allegations against him and no independent factors leading to a presumption that he did anything wrong."

-CNN

"John Mark Karr doll with leather pants.
A red car "pimped out" with Karr's mug.
And a 129-page journal written by Wendy Wonda Pearl Hutchens about infamous friends including Karr, the suspect in JonBenet Ramsey's 1996 killing.
These are among a growing list of items recently sold or now for sale on eBay.
"This is just the beginning of the merchandizing and marketing of John Mark Karr," said Andy Kahan, a watchdog of "murderabilia."

- The National.

Funny...he had all the characteristics.
The "insane" glare in his eye. The stutter-wonder daze of disillusionment. The "dark rock music". The Marilyn Manson.
Fuck - he EVEN had facial hair removal cuz he wanted to be a chick.

Of course - none of this makes you "fucked up". But funny, the characteristics CHOSEN to portray this dude. The details everyone picked at with ONE COMMON GOAL:
To demonize this fucker and crucify him before they even checked his mother fucking DNA.

While I have no doubt in my mind that he is probably VERY fucked up - (NOT because he had a crazed glare, NOT because he listened to Marilyn Manson, NOT because he wanted to be woman) - THANK YOU PAUL for your take on him, I think you called it perfectly - there's no crime in being fucked up.

What really sucks is that ONCE AGAIN - this little girl was exploited.

First her parents.
Then society.
Then her murderer.
Then the media.
Then the media.
Then the media.
Then this dude.
Then the media.

And finally, once again - this blog.

Whoopsie, I guess. Someone jumped the gun.

Is it burnt toast...or desperation I smell...?

tough call.

Hearts and farts,

Dan

.

Psychics and Birthdays

Hey Peoples,

First off - MEGA B-Day Shout Outs go to the FABULOUS Kerri who is now, like me, celebrating the FINAL year of her twenties - and Danielle - who is now celebrating a milestone birthday none of us twenty-somethings want to utter...but she's looking DANG FINE DOIN' IT!!!!

CONGRATS TO YOU BOTH and I wish you BOTH FANTASTIC TIMES !!

Today, I attended the Vision Quest Psychic Fair @ the Cleary.

I went to 3 different psychics and I had an AURA photo taken. It was cool. I was a yellow-orange-red aura - mainly orange and yellow - which means "creative and laid back and sunny". I'll take that as a compliment, thank ya very much!
The 3 psychics I went to - were LITERALLY a progression - from shite to STELLAR!!
I feel bad saying someone was shit..but...the reading was so far off - it wasn't like I was giving off a hard-to-read energy - this dude just didn't have it.
Unless he was reading the guy behind me, I don't know.
Get this: He had me pegged as an engineer who works well w/ numbers, and an ideal job would be in a factory working with a robotic arm, a "lady's man" who LOVES looking at women's LEGS, a guy who is "probably going to move in about 3 months" into a new home that doesn't have as many "strange party people crashing" all the time - and I'm going to have TWO children VERY soon.
In truth - gay boy, locked into a 5 year mortgage, into creative writing who doesn't want ANY children EVER - and is incapable of HAVING any - and the only thing I like about a woman's legs are their stylish shoes!
But hey - it was all for fun.
Second was the psychic who took my aura photo. This was interesting. She described the photo and colours - which fit my personality - and my sister, who also had this done had a COMPLETELY different read - which fit her as well - and then gave a little insight into my life.
She said I should perform MORE - and to get MORE creative, which is cool because I have been planning on making a little album w/ the help of some friends by mixing and music-ing some of my spoken word pieces.
She also said music works on me the way medicine works on patients - and this is the absolute truth.
Since I was a kid - music has SERIOUSLY been my therapy. If I'm having a panic attack - or a fear-attack (like I semi-had a few nights ago) - after 7 seconds of listening to music, my heartbeat slows down, and I am calm and at peace.
Go figure eh?
The final....oh boy...THE FINAL psychic was a COOL AS SHIT lady named Lynda Doyle.
WOW.
Seriously. That's all I can say.
She called SO MUCH STUFF on me, it wasn't even funny.
And she didn't sugar coat anything, she didn't speak in "psychic" terms that I could NEVER understand.
A) She flat out asked me: "You got some stomach and bowel issues, don't ya hon?"
Um....YEAH!!! My diarrhea attacks are not just KNOWN amongst EVERYONE who knows me - they are fucking LEGENDARY.
Emergency bathroom stops aren't just minor catastrophes...they are EVENTS of MONUMENTAL proportion!!!
She told me to start eating more greens - dark greens - and then called it that I was a vegetarian.
HOLY!!
She also called it that I was in a realtionship with Life Partner for "around 7 years."
It's actually Six and a HALF to the DAY almost!!!
She said I'll be getting job "advancement" - not necessarily a pay increase - but advancement at the same place which will mean more stability - in the NEXT 30 days.
Totally TRUE!!!! I find out this week if CHUM keeps me or not!!!!
She also called it that Life Partner works for a "big institution that has to do with education" - HELLO: ST.CLAIR COLLEGE!!!
She ROCKED!! She was encouraging, positive...and I didn't say TWO WORDS TO HER.
Of course - I only went for fun...but I'll be darned if this chick didn't win me over hook, line and SINKER!!! She also told me I need to switch to ALL soy - get dairy out of my diet COMPLETELY cuz it's causing some of my stomach issues as well.
she ALSO called it that we had PLUTO, our LOVELY cat!!!
Out of the BLUE!!!
go see this gal, for real. Visit her website HERE!
It truely was a GREAT experience...she told me I need to work on my confidence and if I have any fears (like getting on an airplane to travel) she told me to GET OVER IT and GET ON A PLANE. She said she saw me travelling on a fun vacation in the near future.
She also told me some really cool meditations...she told me what aspects of my life I had to work on...it was so fucking cool!!!

She gets the stamp of APPROVAL!!!

head over heels kids, head OVER heels!!!

Everybody say "OM....."

danny.

GROOOOVIE CHICK: TAMMY EALOM

Tammy Ealom

Shit, what can I say?? They've been a favorite of mine for a few years now - the music rocks - and I was more than just a WEEE BIT flattered when Dressy Bessy frontwoman Tammy Ealom decided to stick Girlie So Groovie up on Dressy Bessy's MAIN web page!

I was even MORE head-over-heels-in-school-boy-crush when I realized this punk rock bubble-gummer has a hankerin' for vintage clothing - and ain't bad on the eyes either! I bought their first album about 6 years ago - called "Pink Hearts Yellow Moons" on a sheer whim. I thought they had a cool name, neat cover art - all songs were UNDER 3 minutes and I was in the mood for a little psychedelic punk pop.

Holy SHITES! The album does NOT disappoint! In fact - it's one of the happiest listens I've ever heard. I immediately purchased their California EP - which is a 5 song collection of some of the most summerlicious music I've ever heard. If you have not heard the song California yet - please - do so before summer completely fades away. It truely is a thing of pop beauty perfection.

After that - the ablums keep getting consistently better...my favorite is currently 2003's AMAZING self-titled record. She sounds like Kim Deal on ECSTASY! These are songs you wanna listen to in a pair of sandles, licking orange posicles, drinking ICE COLD BEERS in plastic cups on your back in the grass staring up at a blue sky accented with PERFECT cotton-candy clouds. Music to fall in love to.

Music to build SAND castles to.

And that - is why I LOVE Dressy BESSY!!!!!

"FOR REAL!?!?" - AGAIN!!

More talk of the guy who MIGHT have killed JonBenet - still no word on DNA - but definetely more "hard evidence" against him:

"Hall (the guy's old landlord), who has lived in Costa Rica since 2000, said that Karr would often either talk incessantly, or sit in his room and listen to dark rock music, like that of Marilyn Manson, something that also bothered the Halls, who are Pentecostal Christians."
- WINDSOR STAR

Are you FUCKING KIDDING ME!??!!?!?!?!?
he used to "talk incessantly" and listen to "dark rock music, like that of Marilyn Manson"!??!!?
"Pentecostal Christians"?!?!?!
What the fuck does ANYTHING in that ENTIRE SENTENCE have to do with ANYTHING REMOTELY related to the case!??!!?
The fucking secretary "talks incessantly".
The Marilyn Manson comment is just flat out fucking STUPID!! Then again - we all know ANYONE who listens to Marilyn Manson could ONLY BE a confused killer-type.
And the fact that they are Pentecostal Christians? So what? That makes them a fucking expert on the human condition? If anything - I'd say the exact opposite.
Hell - if he was sitting in his room listening to fucking Boy George they would be DEEPLY disturbed.

CHECK. THE. FUCKING. D-N-A.

Sorry guys...i'm bringing this DUMB fucking hoopla up again...I'm just fucking DUMBFOUNDED by the immature ways this thing is being covered.
They bring up his "sexual ambiguity" again in the article - something which ALSO "deeply disturbed" our kind, all-knowing, pure pentecostal christian psychologists - who were JUST his land lord.

I just don't get what all the fuss is about. If he was NOWHERE NEAR JonBenet - then his DNA shouldn't be in her fingernails.
So check the fucking DNA.

Sorry...I just can't get over this.

hearts and pukes,

Dan

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LISA!!!!

Happy Birthday Lisa!!!
May all your birthday lights GLOW!!!
May the last year of your twenties SHINE!!!
AND may you live the rest of your life in the glorious, sparkling, warm shimmer of birthday cake light.

Happy birthday from afar - but still MEGA CLOSE!!

your friend,

Daniel!!

ps - hearts and b-day farts!

dang it!

okay, my gazillionth post of the fucking day.
the last b-day post - for Lisa's bday was supposed to show up as August 24th...i actually posted it at 12:55am my time - august 24th.
for some reason - blogger has logged it at Aug 23...
strangers take note: Lisa's b-day is August 24....but, this blogger says otherwise.

I guess blogger does not always know best....

The Red Bull Band Wagon

I never thought of myself as someone with a crazy-addictive personality.
Okay, let me rephrase:
Even though I may carry the characteristics of someone with with an addictive personality - or - an addict - I don't carry any of the addictions.
Technically, by now - I should be a chain-smoking, binge-and-purge eating, drug addicted alcoholic.
I'm not bragging. I'm just - not addicted.
Until, perhaps, NOW.
Yes folks, I dipped my feet into the sparkling golden waters of energy-drink-territory: Red Bull.
While I'll be the first to stick my tongue out and make a vomit sound whenever ANYONE mentions the new, crazed fascination we all have with the current energy drink trend - so help me mama, I think the bastards may have nabbed me hook, line and SINKER.
It all started one fine Saturday night about 2 months ago.
It was about 6pm.
Julie, Danielle, Anna - perhaps others - were all coming over for a night of pot smoking and alcohol drinking.
I was feeling mighty tired.
Life Partner calls this "The Groggs" - and let me tell ya - my Groggs were IN FLAMES they were so strong.
My eyes were closing, I was teetering on the brink of semi-conscious and DEEP, R.E.M. sleep.
*Doorbell rings*
It's Julie with a bag of liquor and a basket of goodies.
I knew - something had to be done.
"Want a coffee?" Life Parnter offered, kindly suggesting I DEFINETELY needed SOME sort of pick me up or else I was going to be nothing more than a human paper weight at our intimate but otherwise active Saturday night soiree.
"Bllllaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh.....coffeee...blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahh..."
It was all I could muster.
(....red...bull....)
Like a tiny, menacing but strangely pleasant 3rd party voice - the words popped into my head.
(...Red Bull...)
I thought for a moment. Being a VERY caffeine sensitive person, I was always weary about drinking something that offered you an "energy boost".
With my luck - I'd end up having a panic attack, huddled in my bathroom with diarrhea and the hand-shakes.
(Red Bull.)
My head was turning I was so deleriously tired...I knew SOMETHING had to be done.
(RED BULL...RED BULL...REDBULL REDBULLREDBULL..)
"I'll be RIGHT back," I said to Julie and Life Partner, grabbed the car keys and hit the road to Macs Milk to give this Red Bull bizness a try.
Cut to me EIGHT (8) - EIGHT fucking HOURS later - after 2am - party was long gone home - it was just Life Partner, Julie and Myself - still up - and I was talking a mile a minute - absolutely LOVING IT!!! Wide awake with a great beer buzz and even a few tokes of the evil weed in me.
And STILL going strong! on a work night no less!!!
Red Bull - a SHEER miracle.
No shakes, no paranoia - and get this - when it wore off - I crashed and my tiredness hit me FULL FORCE and I was out like a light within 2 seconds of hitting my pillow.

Cut to present day.

Red Bull has become a weekly occurance. Sometimes 3 times a week.
Sometimes, I'll grab a Red Bull instead of a coffee.
One night - I had 2 Red Bulls - just for the fuck of it.

It's a MEGA surge of energy - and then a few hours later: CRASH.
Sleeping like a baby.
While I have yet to delve into the world of trendy drinks like "Yager Bombs" and "Red Bull Fighters" mixing Red Bull and various alcohols - I must say - the drink...might have taught me what it feels like to be addicted to something.

I see the silver can, and I get jittery.
I get tired.
My eyes droop.
I need it to feel awake again.

Help me brothers and sisters...

am I a Red Bull-a-holic??

Hearts and lovely, beautiful crimson bulls....

daniel.

OH god...For Real.

For real:

"The mother of the suspect in JonBenet Ramsey's murder tried to kill him when he was only a baby, a family friend told ABC News. "
- ABC News dot com.

That is FOR REAL the lead in a new story on ABC. Gossip. Masturbatory know-it-all GOSSIP.
have we REALLY sunk this low?!??!?!?!?!?!

For REAL!?!?!

Things that make ya go...."What the FUCK!?!?"

Life Partner and I do not have television.
We haven't watched cable T.V. in our own home for about five months.
Mind you, we've watched Top Model a few times at Heather's...and borrowed Anna's Sex in the City DVD collection..but other than that, it's been TV-Free!! Movies - sure. Lots of movies.
But T.V.?? Don't fucking miss it.

And thank fucking God.

We tuned in to a radio station last night (oh god, how old did that sound??) and it was a broadcast of - what else - Larry King Live. We listened to it for five excruciating minutes and had to shut it off in disgust.
What. The. Fuck???!
Okay - I knew some guy "confessed" to "accidentally" killing Jon Benet Ramsey a week or so ago...but I had no idea the hoopla surrounding it.
Talk of him NOT being involved...just being "emotionally unstable".
Apparently - his family says he never missed a SINGLE Christmas, was hard-pressed for cash at the time - and his ex-wife stated he was with her in Alabama that Xmas.
Okay. Take it with a grain of salt - maybe he's just a looney who wants attention...
The "authorities" are asking she find - get this - a PHOTOGRAPH to "PROVE" he was indeed in Alabama...and low and behold - the Big Drama: She CANNOT PRODUCE ONE!!!!!

(INSERT SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC HERE)

So - it is just COMPLETELY up in the air over whether or not this guy did it, right? It's all hanging on whether or not she can produce a photograph of him...indisputable evidence that he did NOT kill Jon Benet.
Here's a fucking idea:

How about they cotton swab his fucking mouth and try matching the fucking DNA found on Jon Benet?!?!??!?!?!?

Rather than exploit the death of this little girl even more - and draw it all out with UNNECESSARY media coverage and some of the most INSULTING - SHOCKINGLY insulting journalism I have EVER heard in my life - how about we just do it "the old fashioned way" - and check the DNA and go from there...?

FUck - if the wife is hard pressed for a photo - I can think of at least 12 PERSONAL friends who could EASILY photoshop her a nice piece of substantial evidence, PROVING BEYOND a REASONABLE DOUBT that this dude DID NOT DO IT because he was smootching his wife under a piece of fucking mistle toe in Alabama.

Heaven forbid they do it the easy way and check the DNA.

ARe you KIDDING ME!??!!?!?!?! They are feeding us this fucking trash?!?!?! They want a PHOTOGRAPH?!?!?! Since when does a "photograph" prove ANYTHING?!?!?!!
I just googled some news coverage for this story - to see how other stations are covering it, and of course - FOX popped up first.
Lovely - how FOX is taking it a step further:
To show how "demented" he was - they just ran a story about how this man underwent facial-hair removal to prepare for an evil "sex change".
"Whoa...he must REALLY be fucked in the head if he's getting one of those "sex changer-ma-roos".

Out. Of. Control. This. Is.

How about you get some DNA people?? Seriously!!!
Right now - these people who are talking about this case on t.v. like they are some high-and might authority on the subject - are doing NOTHING MORE than masturbating for everyone.

They are literally, stroking themselves and absolutely LOVING IT on national television.
All in the name of what??

Some dead, exploited little beauty pageant girl who never had a fucking CHANCE.

Wait a minute...is that what I am doing with this blog....?

hearts and farts,

Dan

The Break Up

I'm gonna need your help. I have a decision to make - and ya'll gots to help me make it.
What decision, you ask?
Keep reading, brothers and sisters.

After 2 years of on-again, off-again status - Shitbanger and I have finally come to terms with the fact that our relationship is no longer healthy for either of us.
Shitbanger is my car.
Shitbanger is a lemon.
I started this blog in late 2004 - and if you ever care to go back and puruse months gone by, you'll see every once in a while Shitbanger makes an appearance, usually accompanied by some horror story of how he left me stranded in traffic, or broke down on the day of an important job interview, or conked out on the hottest day of the year in the middle of the road in the shittiest neighborhood known to Windsor-kind. Or the time he caught fire JUST as I was crossing the border into Detroit. Or the time he broke down in the middle of nowhere on the outskirts of Royal Oak. Or...well, the list - sadly - goes on.
Enough is enough.
Shitbanger recently did its little "i'm not going to work because i just don't want to" trick - on the FIRST day of the month - which meant I was parked on the WRONG side of the street.
Running late that day - I said "FUCK IT" - left it - called for a cab and SWORE this was it..I would NEVER AGAIN pay another CENT into that fucking car.
Came home: 30 dollar parking ticket on Shitbanger's windshield and Shitbanger sat, dead and dormant with a curious glint in its headlights that looked a little something like "Got ya one more time, FUCKER! You owe me 30 bucks, dickwad!"
Fucking Shitbanger.
So, I have not driven him since. We managed to get him into the driveway and that is where he will stay until I have the bad man with the monster toe truck come and take him away to automobile-Hell, where he will sit and rot for all of eternity with other junkers who, like him, probably have left their passengers in a bind on more than one occaision.
This leaves me with a bit of a situation.
While, in an ideal world - none of us would need cars - I am one of those guys who cannot survive without one.
Sure - I am Point A to Point B - but when I need to get to point B - I *REALLY REALLY* fucking need to get to Point B.
And while Life Partner is more than generous with his car - sometimes it's just not logical to share a car because schedules can and will conflict.
Plus - it's good to own a car if you can - it helps your credit rating to have assets..etc etc etc.
But - back to the situation: What KIND of car do I buy?
I need something NEW.
No more 1992 shit-clunkers from the pre-grunge era - and no more "this looks like a car dad would drive" cars.
I want to move into the new millenium, albeit 6 years late, and get myself something reliable.
Something that can take me across the border without fear of dying somewhere on Woodward avenue.
Something I can take to Toronto to visit my friends.
Fuck - something that will get me to work without crapping out on me.
Ladies and gents - for the first time EVER - I went CAR SHOPPING TODAY!!
I found two I really like, and I'm not picky.
I wanted a darker colour car, because they look cleaner.
I wanted something NEWER than 2000.
I wanted something UNDER 15,000.
Oh yeah..and I wanted a FUCKING CD player. Never in my LIFE have I had a CD player in a car. And while I love my cassettes to death - I love music too much to NOT fully enjoy my driving/listening experience.
So I found these two puppies...let me know what you think - and tell me which YOU feel is the better buy...

PROSPECT NUMBER ONE:

Price: $9,995
Year: 2002
Make: CHEVROLET
Model: CAVALIER
Kilometres: 34875
Ext. Colour: NAVY BLUE
Int. Colour: CHARCOAL
Body Type: 2 DOOR
Features: AM/FM/sngl CD, Air, Tilt, Dual Airbag, PW Locks, Center Cnsl, Fold Dn Seats, Keyless entry, Anti-glare Mirr, ABS Brakes , 4 Cylndr, Auto Trans

Yes folks - it IS a Cavalier - the same species as Shitbanger - but less than 35000 KMs and an engine that looks fresher than a baby's ass. The price is right and it meets all the criteria.
While Shitbanger sucked ass - Life Partner's car is also a Cavalier - and his has been nothing BUT reliable, save for the driver's power window that won't go down. But guess what - this car: manual crank windows. The good ole fashioned fail-safe way.
I'm also in love with the colour...the pic doesn't do it justice, but it is like a midnight blue. Very cool..it's not yer everyday "navy blue" - it's gotta a little extra UMPH to it.

PROSPECT NUMBER TWO:

PRICE: $9,998
Year: 2002
Make: HYUNDAI
Model: ELANTRA
Kilometres: 84450
Ext. Colour: BLACK
Int. Colour: GREY
Features: AM/FM/sngl CD , Air, Cruise, Tilt, Dual Airbag, PW Window, PW Locks, PW Mirror, Center Cnsl, Single CD, Fold Dn Seats, Anti-glare Mirr, 4 Cylndr, Auto Trans

Okay, I'm a practical guy...this one has a few more KMs than the Cavalier - but fuck me - the price is nearly identical, the features are the same, can't go wrong with the colour black - and this one's got a funky little look to it.
I have to admit...I'm completely WON OVER by it. I think it's gorgeous. But - I really dig the colour of the other Cavalier...and we already HAVE a Cavalier.
Does it sound like I'm leaning more towards this car...yeah - it does.

BUT - I'm not. I'm still completely torn.

So I'm leaving it to you, my bloggers, friends and family who read this blog.
What would YOU buy? What do you think is the better deal out of these two?
Get this - if I were to buy the car this weekend - Life Partner and I are also given 2 free tickets (flight and accomodations) to Las Vegas!!
Sound cheesey? Sure it does. But fuck - it's a free trip to Vegas!!!
INCENTIVE!!!! INCENTIVE!!!!

So let's hear it people..whatcha think?

Black or Blue?

hearts and exhaust farts,
DANIEL.

SUMMEREND

Prologue:
Ugh.
Okay, I found these GORGEOUS pictures of sunsets, long roads leading off into a multi-coloured autumn...all stuff I ripped off from the internet mind you - but - fitting for this post.
You think ANY of them would upload to blogger?
Finally - i thought something was wrong with my blogger - so I tried uploading any random pic - the marijuana leaf was the first pic in my pic folder - and of course, it uploaded just fine.
Figures.
So yeah - the good ole pot leaf is going to be my summer's end icon for this blog entry.
So, on with it then.

Actual blog:
I get very reflective when hung over.
Currently nursing a hang-over care of last night's bru-ha-ha at the Avalon, I can't help but reflect on this summer.
First off - I can't believe it's almost over. The days are MOST DEFINETELY shorter now...the mornings are darker and the sun is starting to hit the emergency exit FAR too soon, which always depresses me.
At the same time - there's something about the forthcoming autumn that always makes me wanna slap on my brand new fleece zip-up thingie, blow dry my hair and go for a long crunchy walk in the dead leaves.
But, I'm getting ahead of myself.
This one was an odd summer. Not typical at all.
No patio drinkings.
No wild house parties with the sound of mixed drinks tingling and blenders buzzing in the air like humidity.
No late night bar-hoppings - (except one on pride night) - where crazy shots are involved and I'm wearing my favorite pair of shorts and sandals but I dance anyway and end up on the stage with a bunch of people I don't know.
Even our backyard nights - while we have spent many out there - have been a bit lower-key.
None of this is a bad thing...it's just a wee little reminder that the times - just like the seasons - are a-changing.
It's been an exciting summer...saw the best show of my life with the Flaming Lips...
met and INTERVIEWED my favorite band in the WORLD - the Bangles - and then watched them perform all my favorite songs from when I was a kid OUTDOORS on a perfectly warm evening with a carnival happening in the background...
hung out at Niagara Falls with my 3 favorite people and had the best vacation ever...
it's been good.
But gone waaaay too soon.
That's what sucks about summer. It's too damn short. Easily the shortest of all the seasons.
But - fuck it - fall is cool too.
I'm gonna go check on my hangover now...

hearts and farts,
Dan

Niagara

Going to Niagara Falls today for 3 days and 2 nights!!! CAN'T WAIT!
Weird really...it's just water falling.
Just a clif inside a lake basically...and everyone flocks.
They do boat rides so you can get CLOSE to it...falling water.
You can do a "walk behind the falls"...
People stare at it...
They light it up with lights...
There is a cable car that goes over it....
helicopter rides to get even closer...
What is it about a wall of falling water that intrigues us SO MUCH SO - it generates enough attention to spawn an ENTIRE TOURIST centre, complete with Casinos, museums, theatres, and other wonderfully cheesey touristy things?
It's just falling water.
But for some reason - AMAZINGLY FANTASTIC.
*sigh*
I love the falls....I promise PLENTY of pictures when I get back...

hearts and over the horseshoe farts...

Dan

TONIGHT!!!!

Life Partner, Anna, Julie and Jeff and myself will be hitting the State Theatre AGAIN tonight (twice in week week, that's a record) to see the one and ONLY - FIONA APPLE!! I'm MEGA hyped up...this chick is 1 month younger than I am...and her lyrics...fuck...absolute perfection. I think this video is testament to her fabulousness.... I'll write a review tomorrow!!

QUOTE OF THE DAY!!!

When Ian McKellen can blithely bring a boy toy with him to the Oscars, Rosie O'Donnell be afforded a place of honor on "The View," and Anne Heche lose cred for re-embracing heterosexuality, it's pretty clear that, in the immortal words of Judy Garland, "I don't think we're in Kansas anymore."

- L.A. TIMES

Open Mic Preview

Protestors make me smile, cuz i LOVE a good protest! but the protestors I read about today made me laugh so hard I had to write a slam poem about it. I'm gonna read this tomorrow night at Phog for open mic, with another new one. Keep in mind - reading it and hearing it are two different things. If the meter seems off, which i am sure it is - I usually fix it with inflection. I guess slams are more meant to be HEARD than read...But whatever. Here's the poem. Tootles.
Also - READER DISCRETION ADVISED: DIRTY SHITE AHEAD. I might keep this for a Titsleaze show too. Not sure still a work in progress.

I come in peace

there's no greater cure
for war
than LOVE
be it down below
or up above
feelings of hatred in the
form of
genocidal bombing
completely
void of

love..

we got all rights
reserved
so all wrongs
can be reversed
we got a war torn
world polluted
at our worst
but see we
can't start
loving til we love
ourselves

first.

so...masturbate for world peace
before planet earth
just bursts!!

because if you don't
love YOU
you can't love another
so grab your dick
or rub your clit
and treat it like
your lover
masturbate and LOVE YOURSELF
until we all succeed
in one unanimous shudder
and quivering sigh of ecstasy,
cuz peace,
the song says,
is what the
world
REALLY
NEEDS..
so protest by pounding
your meat with a steady stroking speed

whack it with force
like it's your LAST HURRAH
and climax THE WORLD
with SHOCK
AND awe..

Jerking off
is peaceful,
whacking off is kind.
do it too
much, you'll miss the draft
cuz too much
makes ya BLIND!

the main foundation
for fighting
is an ARMED
CONFRONTATION
we gotta counteract
the tension
with some mono
masturbation
we gotta target in
on peace with a focused concentration
and alleviate the stress
with some self-supplied
sensation
some porno or a dildo
with some battery
operation
flick the switch
and turn it up
for positive
stimulation
or use your own
imagination
lay back
and hit
the good vibrations
whatever
kind
of combination
jerk it and work it 'til it's

Nation

Wide

ELATION.

stroke your dick for peace
in the good ole
middle east
rub your clit
with a pleasure mit
and pray the friendly
fires cease

if the entire world
was jerking off
we'd be more tightly
knit
so
choke the chicken
faster in hope
that you'll transmit
a little bit
of goodness
to ease the pain that
we inflict
on ourselves

cuz that's all we're doing,
we're just killing machines
whether it's dropping
bombs or
eating meat
or gun shootin
trigger happy
troubled teens
we're just money hungry
self-serving
MURDERING
MACHINES.

so lay back...
and just
yank it
jerk it, tug it pull it
squeeze it, slide or push:
with a lubed up fist for the flag pole
or three fingers for the bush!

hairy palms! not bursting bombs!
no fires or guns in lebanon! peace is grease!
war does harm!
and you can't jerk off
with nukes for arms!

Cream your khakis.
NOT Iraqis.

sustain your masturbation campaign
till we bring our soldiers
back home again

flog your log
til' the gunfires
cease-
RELEASE
the tension,
and

come...

in

peace.

The Flaming Lips

This is what we saw last night. This was the first song..note the santa clause people and the alien people on either side of the stage. These were people they pulled from the audience before the show started...holy fuck. SHEER happiness.

Last Night...

WHAT . A . SHOW .

"TONIGHT, YOUR LIFE WILL CHANGE. TONIGHT YOU WILL SAY 'FUCK YEAH'!"
Those words flashed on a GIGANTIC screen behind the Flaming Lips last night at the State Theatre in Detroit as confetti, streamers and gigantic (and I mean GIGANTIC) balloons floated and bounced across the crowd.
What. A. Show.
So good - I got teared up at the end.
Something about being in a room FILLED with SO many happy people makes my entire BODY buzz...for real.
I can't even begin to describe it - I think it's just one of those shows you have to SEE to fully get...the pictures don't even do it justice.
It was like there was MAGIC in the air or something...

The coolest part...was the fact that the ENTIRE goal of the night was to make everyone happy...that was IT! Images of sunshine and parties, samurai fights, they had an army of Santa Clauses and Aliens on stage with them (who they picked from the audience beforehand to join them on stage) - it was PURE UNADULTERATED FUN FUN FUN. Happiness personifed.

And it was insane. Everyone from indie-music snob scenesters to big tall football metal heads - were staring up into the air with EAR TO EAR grins on their faces SMILING like little children.

For real, each person there, felt like a little kid at Sesame Street live - and it wasn't cheesey.
It was like the BIGGEST held-back adrenaline release - no one was "too cool" to throw their hands in the air or bounce the big balloons around with each other. Everyone PLAYED together...like a bunch of kids at a carnival, forgetting what they were wearing or who they were with. It was just for-the-moment fun. And for a band to do that at a Detroit Concert - especially one filled with a bunch of indie snobs...fuck, I don't know how they did it.

It was uplifting and positive - so fucking great.

It was such a WONDERFUL change...normally, at a Detroit show, some rock and roller takes the stage, refuses to smile, pounds on their guitars while the usual group of twenty-somethings bob their heads like they are merely full-filling their duty as "Concert Goer".

Not the case last night. The band was SO into it - the crowd was fucking AMAZINGLY energetic...it was just "one of those shows" - you know? When you can tell you got something special from the band AND audience. There was ENERGY in the air and you could FEEL it:
An entire crowd shoulder to shoulder DRAPED in streamers while confetti RAINED down on us...it was fucking BEAUTIFUL.

I am a FAN FOR LIFE from this point on.

I love going to shows - but I'm sick of the same old "I've seen it all, I've done it all, I party, I drink, I do drugs and I'm wasted" type of BORING rock and roll shows.
This was a band TOTALLY intent on ENJOYING themselves - and making sure EVERYONE else was enjoying themselves even MORE - SHEER showmanship.
This was ENTERTAINMENT.
The lead singer at one point said something like: "The one thing you CAN have in the world is happiness - nothing else matters except YOUR happiness. Nothing else means ANYTHING unless you can say YOU ARE HAPPY in your life."

And of course, the crowd went WILD.
We all left energized, happy - it rocked.
Keep in mind - I wasn't even a huge fan...I only have 1 album.
It's the kind of show where you don't NEED to know every (or even ANY) of the songs.
THe show is THAT good...you're just instantly sucked in.
At any rate, enough of my gushing...go check out the Flaming Lips when you get the chance if you haven't. I'm angry with myself that I have missed them all the OTHER times they've come to Detroit.
BUt do yourself a favour and go - it's good for the psyche, for real!

Sonic Youth opened...I AM a fan of Sonic Youth...but I kind of expected more from them than what they gave last night. Experimental, sure - but borderlining on pretentious and noisey. EEK! I feel bad saying that...but it's true. Great to finally see them anyway though.

But the Flaming Lips...oh wow. Too good to be true. I'll never forget last night and how absolutely GREAT I felt at that show...

Hearts and Flaming Farts,

Dan