Happy B-Day to James!

Happy Birthday James!!!!
It's his big one - yesterday actually.
Tonight, James, Karmen, Myself, Life Partner, Anna, Jeff and perhaps Danielle (?) are hitting the ole reliable Indian-scene.
We're dressing up in bear skins, sharpening spears and holding a pow-wow in Dieppe Gardens, gonna skin us some white scalp.
Just kidding. I just felt like making a COMPLETELY uncalled for, random racist joke. I'm a weird mood.
No - we're heading out to an Indian restaurant that Life Partner and I still have not ventured into yet. I'm QUITE excited...then, we're gonna hit the downtown scene (Phog, Pogo's - whatever) and down some delicious "adult" drinks all in the name of Mister James Crabbe and his happiest of B-days.
Now - comes the promotion...
James just HAPPENS to be my favorite artist in all of windsor. That's an understatement.
If I ever release a book of poems or a novel - James HAS to do the cover.
He hasn't made a bad piece - in my opinion - and I have three of his pieces hanging in my house - and I'm PROUD to say that I know the guy who made them.
An incredible piece of his is going to be featured at the Art Gallery of Windsor next weekend - I'm super excited for the show - I'll be going on Sunday to check his and the other pieces out - but if you want a taste - do yourself a HUGE favour and check out James' blogs which are LOADED with examples of his work.
Here is the piece which will be at the Art Gallery of Windsor next week. I encourage you to click on it and look at it in it's LARGER form and just read over the words and put them into context with the images...draw correlations. Do not draw correlations. The collage of thought this piece evokes is as eclectic and versatile as the piece itself. It's honest and genius in my opinion - this is what art work is SUPPOSED to do - bring out some kind of FEELING - make me THINK about what he is saying - or what he is NOT saying or what I get out of it - which may be completely unrelated to what he meant in the first place. But - regardless - this is why I love James work..they are all as equally compelling as this one:

A little FYI - I DID NOT recieve James' permission to post that picture of his on this blog..but I hope that's okay...

I did it cuz I love it :)

Here is the link to his first blog - Screen Angle which includes everything from photography to collage to projects the colours are my favorite...these kinds of pics deserve to be HUGE HUGE HUGE - larger than life - blown up. on my living room wall.
Here it is -
http://screenangle.blogspot.com/
The art on this blog is everything from touching, sad, hilarious, apocalyptic and just plain old beautiful. I can't rave enough about it. Puruse ALL the pages - because the gems in here are just flat-out NOT to be missed.
Easily - as far as I have seen - James is HANDS DOWN the Windsor ARt scene's BEST KEPT SECRET - but I have a feeling all that's about to change.

His other blog Machine Lab - is more of a look INSIDE some of his 3-D art projects - and prints - a glimpse into the tedious detail, random thoughts - raw materials, snap shots of ideas - just as fascinating.

http://www.machinelab.blogspot.com/

at any rate - looking forward to getting tanked w/ him tonight :)

My latest "project" if you will is a piece for UPFRONT Magazine about a band called Intra Meridian. This was their poster for their show at the Chubby Pickle...

Now...what does everyone think? The girls were NOT really missing - but this poster caused a TON of outrage.
A) A feminist activist group called Action Girls staged a protest last night in downtown Windsor about this - saying it is using the idea of kidnapped women as a gimmick to create controversy for the band.
B) There is also a much longer video featuring these 3 chicks being kidnapped, tied up and held in a basement while the lead singer of the band SCREAMS in their faces.
C) the band and director (all from Windsor) say that it is symbolic - that the character in the video is just "taking" his ex-girlfriends and showing them pictures of them the way they used to be etc...
D) Fans on the MySpace.com site for the band are saying it is no more degrading than rap videos..blah blah blah.
E) There was a whole big conflict last night - supporters of both teh band and the feminist group were there in like, a stand-off - lots of derogatory things said about the feminist group....I think both deserve to have their say - I want to know EXACTLY why the feminist group feels the video should be "banned", maybe? and - what the FUCK the director was thinking when he made this - is it just a cheap ploy at shock rock?
Anyway, what do you guys think of the Poster? Is it cheesey? Intriguging? You can watch the video at mimeticonline.com - it's called HELD BACK.
You can't miss it - just look for the chick with tears in her eyes and duct tape over her mouth.
Symbolic, eh?

Hearts and farts,

Dan

Valentines Day and Assorted Brew-Hah-Hah.

Happy V-Day brothers and sisters.
Well..it's over.
I used to love getting trashed on valentines day - and then finish the night off by desperately hitting on people, making out with them, and then ditching them at the end of the night for a cab ride (which was usually cut short because I would ask it to pull over so I could fucking vomit.)
Glory days.
Glory days, I say.
Anyway - I'm kinda glad it's over. the Tizzy fit the chicks at my office put themselves (and their boyfriends) through at this time of year is nothing short of apalling.
Receptionists talking about whip-cream and lingerie...sales associates conversing casually by the water cooler (it has a "hot water function" now - i'm SOOO excited) about role playing and reservations at "NOI".
Jesus.
What a waste of fucking money.
I'd much prefer any night of the week sitting back popping on a brand new CD and smoking a big fattie with my LOVAH!
Life partner.
and of course, cuddling with Pluto.
A far cry from making out with boys and girls on the dancefloor of pseudo-snob pretentious "alternative" bars back in the late nineties - but so be it.
Someone at my office was asking me why I didn't celebrate valentine's day with Life Partner and asked if Life Partner was angry at the fact that we don't even exchange cards....
Honestly - and I know life Partner will take NO offence to this - I don't even REALIZE it is Valentine's Day until people tell me.
I think Life Partner and I are the most LAID back (others call it boring - but whatever) couple in the world.
Non-traditional is our state of mind, which works for me.
Birthdays mean nothing to me, really. I mean, I love a good birthday party - and I will gladly buy and do a shot with ANY of my comrades celebrating the day they were squeezed out their mumma's vagina...but when it comes to my birthday?
No biggie.
If you call - cool.
If you don't - I won't notice.
I think that's my attitude with xmas, valentine's day, annivesaries too.
Just like..."yeah..cool...." and then - on with the day.
Anyway, the guy in my office thought that was depressing and sad - but come ON!!
How is it depressing and sad???
Wayne and I love each other - there's no doubt about that.
We LOVE hanging out with each other..in fact - he's my best friend!!
Which is probably the one thing I learned from my parents and aunt and uncle about marraige. Your "partner" should be exactly that. Someone you LOVe hanging out with.
And I certainly LOVE hanging out with Life Partner :)
So that's all the Valentine's Day I EVER need :) -
I mean - if Valentine's Day means showing someone you love them in TINY little ways you don't usually demonstrate - then it's Valentine's EVERY DAY at my house - cuz every day is better than the next in my life - and i hope his too.
If not - divorce time.
Just kidding.
But speaking of which - that same reason is why both of us are opposed to getting married.
Yeah - the right should be there for those who want it...
But..
I think it would make more sense to have a "celebration" of "love" - twenty five years down the road. AFter we PROVED that we are in it for the long hall.
Not that I don't think we are - even for a MOMENT.
But let's put our time in before we celebrate our eternal love for one another, you know?
I wanna live it - then celebrate it.
life's too short for rituals and traditions.

And hell - my hymen is shot to hell. I couldn't wear a white gown anyway.

hearts farts and cina-hearts...

danny.

What a Fuckin' Goof

What a fuckin' dick.
For real.
Symbolic though, eh?
Rich, white men with guns.
Dick Cheney shot some 78 year old man in the face while he was quail hunting.
The only thing that would be more poetic than this - is if it were Dick Cheney who were shot.
Case in point.
Thank GOD the leaders of our nation can demonstrate RESPONSIBLE gun ownership for the rest of us cattle.
They must be right about everything else too.

Fucking idiots.

I just hope Canada isn't headed towards this same DUMB and EMBARASSING place.
I mean - I look at that above picture and think THANK GOD those aren't the leaders of MY country.
But fuck - the picture of MY "leader" isn't much fucking better.

What a bunch of dicks.

Grow the FUCK UP.
Fucking embarassments.

Dan

And....ACTION!

So...this guy who runs this annual playfest thing at Walkerville Theatre (the Old LIFE gay nite club) asked me to write a one-scene play for him - with the possibility that it could be featured in this evening, if he approves it.
I hummed and hawwed over what kind of play to write...I've never really written a PLAY before..or even a dialogue that is actually MEANT to be acted out, except in highschool - but those were more like little mini-Saturday-night-Live esque skits.
So, after tons and tons of pondering, debating on what I can write that is social-commentary, political-in-it's-own-way, quirky, amusing - I decided to go with what I know best:
A group of University kids hanging out playing a board game.
Doesn't sound THAT original - but - I think it is something that COULD be interesting if done write.
I mean, right.
I think - at least from what I saw when I attended LAST YEAR's play fest w/ Faustine - a lot of the writers ARE university students - or WERE university students, like me.
AND - a LOT of them took everything VERY seriously - including their own writing - which I think they SHOULD.
It's their future in their hands, right?
BUT.
Because they DO take the VERY REAL social/activist/artistic scene they are VERY MUCH a part of sooooo utterly serious - their writing almost became a little bit BIGGER than they are. They were writing about things they DIDN'T really come off as seeming to know a whole hell of a lot about.
I think my play is gonna focus on the stereotypes - and the reality of being a student who takes himself too seriously - and the way that SOMETIMES we have ALL the answers - even TALK ABOUT THEM - but fail to see them because we are pre-occupied with a BIGGER picture, when in truth - the Bigger Picture exists only in our heads.
Does that make ANy sense so far?
Maybe I am taking MY self too seriously - but I am going to try not to.
I just want to write a funny play about 5 friends who fight, bitch, complain, laugh, get stoned, get high and make interesting points to and about each other.
And of course - base them on myself and my own group of friends.
Here are the characters I came up with:

Janine The Feminist:
My influences for this chick are (in no particular order): Kathleen Hanna, Myself, My Friend Karmen, Kate Milberry from ROOM Mag, Stacy Lee of the Dirty Sluts collective, Liz Phair, and Catherine Pluard. I'm taking all their SENSE, their AWESOME points, their coolness - and combining it with a LITTLE bit of my own "clueless-but-well-meaning" wannabe-academia and I think it's gonna make for a DAMN nifty character...

Randy The Drop Out:
There's a lot of me in this character. Again - the cluelessness, a little bit of "Damn-the-man" attitude, but not so painfully fucking obvious, directionless, not exactly text-book smart - but at the same time - a little angst ridden and MAYBe for valid reasons... I don't think this guy is going to have a HUGE part in it - he's gonna be used as the comic foil. He will also have STELLAR taste in music and he is a waitor. And - TOTALLY straight, but he just CAN'T find the right girl. (hee hee).

Noah The Fag:
Of COURSE there will be a little of me in this character as well - I think in ALL of them I am going to pull parts of my personality from. But - this guy is like the "Fashion Fag" who thinks he just knows it all. He changed his name to Noah because he is converting to Judaism - which someone I know actually did - he's into Kaballah (or however the fuck you spell it) and is like...RADICAL GAY ACTIVIST - but at the same time - kinda sexist, although he doesn't know it. More comic foil too. At the same time - i wanna make him likeable - not as MUCH of a stereotype...just a gay guy who is KINDA looking to fit in to a certain niche but he hasn't found which niche yet - but deep down, he's just like everyone else. Pretty normal. although he would NEVEr want to admit that.

Andrea the Art Student:
This chick is a combo of EVERY art student I have EVER known - plus EVERY english major I have ever known. Both down to earth and in the clouds. Very um.... "Green Party", very "Eclectic Cafe, circa 1996", very old-school Changez By Nite. My main inspiration for this character is Julie Marcotte, This chick Sherrie, this chick Amanda, this girl Janine and OLD Ani DiFranco. Big into ethnic food, mainly Indian, "installation" art - very much in the "art scene", kinda snobby - but has an interesting take on things as well. a BIT flakey though...VERY "Lori Market" if anyone remembers her. Very Andrew Lochhead.

Ryan The Philosophy Student:
I think Ryan is going to be the hero. he tries to apply theories of life to the stuff he is studing, but is always wrong. Why? Because usually - his theories are soo great - they don't NEED to reflect that of any other philospher - he has his shit together, just doesn't know it yet. I want this guy to be the most confident, the most secure and pretty much be the emodiment of all the little FRAGMENTS the other characters are grasping for. But he has it down pat - and doesn't even try. But he's not trying. He's not trying to be anything. And that's why he is something special.
I think he and Janine the Feminist are gonna hook up. or at least - they are gonna be my two favorites. My inspiration for this character: James Crabbe, Jeff Durham, Life Partner, the dude who played BILLY on Six Feet Under, and maybe a wee bit of Kurt Cobain, for fun.

The premise:
All of them are sitting around playing that AWFUL board game "Which would you rather?" except - I am going to write my OWN questions, rather than steal them from the game - and they are gonna be NASTY - and hopefully inspire some revealing discussions amongst our little group of University Kids.

What does everyone think? Would you watch a 15 minute play, based on that info?

feedback WELCOMED - cuz this little egg hasn't even been fertilized yet...

hearts and farts,
Dan

Standing in the Way of Control

WOW!
I finally heard the latest from the Gossip - "Standing in the Way of Control"...
What can I say? I've liked this band since they were just a little garage punk-blues band.
Then they kicked it up a notch to garage-punk-blues-hand-clap band w/ their EP.
Then they stomped it up to slicker garage-punk-blues-hand-clap-rock-and-roll band.
Their latest release - is NOTHING SHORT of a garage-punk-blues-hand-clap-rock-and-roll-disco-FUNK album.
Seriously!
They made a fuckin' DISCO album!
They somehow manage to fuse blues vocals (so help me god she's black!) with punk guitar riffs and INSANELY addictive drum beats (they only use TWO fucking instruments) - and they incarnate the entire package into fucking disco funk, without even SOUNDING like they are TRYING to be different.
In truth - it's one of the most ORIGINAL things I've ever heard.
If anyone is a fan of the Gossip - REMOTELY - or even a fan of GOOD KICK ASS dance songs that you'll never get sick of - pick up this album IMMEDIATELY.
This is easily hands down one of the greatest bands of today.
I always think it's not POSSIBLE they can make a better album than the last - but so help me god - they've done it again.

Hearts and Farts,

Dan

Anniversary

Happy SIX

YEAH - 6 -

Years to Life Partner and I.

"It was only a matter of time before I met you."

He said that six years ago, feb 5th, 2000.

Not a day has gone by that I haven't thought about how much I love him since.

And that's the truth.

:)

Hearts and farts,

Dan

Cocked, Rocked and Bowled.

For this coming Saturday, Danielle brought up a "to-do" option for all of us enthusiastic go-getters.
Bowling.
But not just any kinda bowling.
Rock-n-Bowl.
Where they dim the lights, blast Jethro Tull, Kid Rock and Beastie Boys and you get to drink large quantities of watered down beer - they put on black lights and you pray to holy CHRIST almighty you don't run into any fuckers from highschool.
Which brings me to my story about the last time I ever did Rock-n-bowl.
I was 17 years old.
Hanging out with a few girls and their boyfriends. VERY typical fag-behaviour for a highschool boy.
They all got lovey dovey with each other, gave each other hickey's, taught each other how to bowl properly, cuddled with each other.

What did I do, you ask?
Well...
I, got HAMMERED.

And not just any kind of hammered.
I got RIGHT PROPER FUCKED hammered.
I had GREAT fake I.D. that looked just like me - so I'd use that to get pitchers of beer for all of us.
The only problem:
The others were too busy sucking face to bother to drink it.
So I made trip after trip to the bar to get more pitchers -and got more and more wasted.
The lanes kept getting blurry. I saw sixes when there were only threes.
I saw EIGHTS when it was only FOURS.
I was fucked. Up.
I ended up bowling in someone ELSE's lane and nearly got my ass kicked.
Luckily the lane I bowled in belonged to some kid who was younger than me, but all the same - I STILL nearly got my ass kicked.
I also did the whole "bowling ball ends up rolling behind me" trick, when you go to bowl, but you release the ball too early - and it ends up flying towards all the people behind you. Which is utterly painful and embarassing - I might add - but I was so loaded by this point it didn' t fucking matter anyway.
THEN.
I pitched a really bad throw (is that proper bowling terminolgy?) and SOMEHOW my bowling ball ended up STOPPED mid-lane.
IT just sat there, like an innocent little rent-a-ball, motionless.
Taunting me.
Completely still. Like a hunter eyeing up fresh game.
Me being, of course - the fresh game.
Except by this point, I wasn't so fresh.
I was trashed.
I know it sounds impossible - for a bowling ball to stop rolling mid-lane, but I assure you - it is not.
It happened.
I kinda looked around for what to do, but all I saw was the glow of my friend's faces under the black light. I couldn't get a positive I.D. on any one of them.
But I could feel EYES on me. Everywhere.
Eyes. Eyes. Eyes.
Angry, gazing, glaring, frowning, scolding MEAN eyes.
Jimi Hendrix Are You Experienced was playing.
Psychedelic colours in the air. The rusty taste of too much beer oozing out of my mouth like a sick, drunkening fog.
I turned back to face the bowling lane to stare at my poor marooned bowling ball.
And I proceeded to do what I believed to be the logical thing:
I walked onto the lane to retrieve my ball and finish the game.
For future reference - walking on a polished lane is a BIG no-no.
I failed to see this at the time.
So there I am, center lane about 15 feet in - picking up my ball.
I notice I am within a somewhat close proximity to the bowling pins.
Rather than waste such a fine opportunity, I figured I might as well make the most of it - and line up to bowl and knock those fuckers DOWN.
So, I wheel the ball down the lane - and just SECONDS before my ball makes contact with the pins and I have my FIRST EVER strike out - the "RESET" rail comes down.
The rest rail.
THE RESET RAIL!
THE STUPID ASS-FUCKING RESET RAIL!!!!!!!!!
You know - The little rail that comes down to sweep the pins out of the way.
It's a thin piece of alluminum or some kind of metal. Very fragile looking.
Very frail.
Some might even go as far as to say it is a FRAIL RAIL.
The point is - it is NOT supposed to come down WHILE a bowling ball is headed towards it full-speed ahead.
It WILL break.
I held my breath. My bowling ball continued pounding away down the lane, gaining speed, the distance between the thin rail and my charging bowl was shortening by the mili-second.
It was going to be a head on-collision, I knew that for certain.
My ball flew toward the thin alluminium rail at breakneck speed - faster than a fucking bullet - my throw was so hard and my aim was so true I would have made any beer-drinking, wife-cheating, league-bowler SLOBBER with envy if they weren't already slobbering from too much cheap whiskey and testosterone.
It was inevitible. Only a matter of seconds.
5 - 4 - 3 - 2 -
(I closed my eyes)
ONE.

*CRRAAAASH!*

Yup. I busted that fucker up DAMN good.

A nice big DING right in it's side and the machine jammed and froze.
And my first thought was:
"Awww! Now I'm gonna Lose!!!"

The clincher - the "bouncer" came to bounce my skinny ass out and it was this fucking kid I go to highschool with.
He ended up NOT booting me out - but how fucking brutal.
He was like, in my grade too - and he SERIOUSLY gave me shit - like I was some punk ass 17 year old kid causing shit.
Wait a minute...

Oh wait - I end on a high note too.
Yeah - cut to me an hour later, finishing the last pitcher of beer and falling over backwards near the shoe exchange and spilling the entire pitcher ON myself.
Graceful.
Graceful, I say.
But hey - that's whatt rock-n-bowl is ALL about.

my highschool friends vowed to NEVER take me bowling again -and they kept that vow.
But this is a WHOLE new group of people. People I have NEVER gone rock and bowling with.

(insert evil laugh here)

Super Bowl Weekend better BRACE ITSELF, because DAMN IT ALL TO HELL - This is my RETURN TO ROCK AND BOWL!!!!!

Anyone up for a game?

hearts and farts,

Dan