YAY!!!!

Julie is sleeping over tonight because of Job Fair!!!!!!

YAY! YAY! YAY! YAY! YAY! YAY!

"For she's a jolly good fellow...
for she's a jolly good fellow...
for she's a jolly good feeeeelllllloooooow......
which nobody can deny!"


YAY! YAY! YAY!!!

R.I.P. Grandaddy...

Well...another one bites the dust.

Grandaddy was one of the coolest things to happen to music since 1997 in my opinion.

I got into them a LITTLE on the late side, back in 2003 when they released their SUMDAY album, hands-down my favorite album of that year.

I'll never forget - the VERY first second I heard Grandaddy (I still had a cell phone at the time) I was at the corner of Grand Maris and Walker road, waiting for a train to pass by (you know - the fucking most annoying corner in Windsor where there is a perpetual train crossing at turtle speed? Yeah. That one. Quelle Surprise I was stuck there, waiting for the train to pass). I was on my way to Waitress Hell.

I hear this song on CJAM 91.5FM and I was like..."Who the FUCK is this...?" The song kept getting better. It was incredible. It was this crunchy rock song with elements of electronica and acoustic, the lyrics were HILARIOUS AND SAD at the same time. Instantly - no word of a lie - I had goosebumps. I was just totally floored.
I instantly picked up my cell phone and called CJAM and asked who in the name of christ almighty they were playing.

"Granddy," replied the snob DJ.
And so I discovered one of my favorite new bands.

Shortly after I got home that night, downloaded every single b-side Grandaddy had to offer - and by the end of the month - purchased EVERY single release the band had. They just fucking rocked. It came out at EXACTLY the right time for me - I was just looking for something new - and in all honesty - this sounds dumb - but I think Grandaddy kind of made me give "guy bands" a second chance.
ALL I listened to were female singers. Not that there is ANYTHING wrong with that - but I was VERY stuck in my camp and there was not a lot of testosterone in my musical diet.

Perhaps this was a good thing at the time.

But what a world of music I'd been denying myself.
They were totally trippy, sad, weirdos - songs about unhappy, suicidal robots and home appliances coming to life. Depressed factory workers and repressed office workers. Stoner music, garage band, straight-forward...they saved music in 2003 - especially in wake of Liz Phair's fall from the throne of indie rock royalty.

And today - they annouced - they are splitting up.

They're gonna release their LAST album: "Just Like the Fambly Cat" - and then - No Bye, No Aloha.

Gone.

That sucks.

Music lost a GREAT band.

EVERYONE should download a few songs by Grandaddy - you'll see what I mean.

They're not much to look at - but they sure can rock.

Start with "Stray Dog and the Chocolate Shake", "Everything Beautiful is Far Away", "Hand Crank Transmitter", "Broken Household Appliance National Forest", "Our Dying Brains", "Nature Anthum" and one of my favorites: "Protected from the Rain".

R.I.P. Grandaddy....

SLAM SLAM SLAM!

Read four poems tonight - 3 brand spanking new ones - one oldie.
I read "Spit in My Face" (about working at a REnt-To-Own Furniture Store), "Sod" - about the affiliation between Sadam Hussein and Sodomy and how both are the "enemy" and the coincidences and irony between both (ie - pulling Sadam out of a tight, shit-filled hole).
and then one called "For the Eclectic Cafe" which is an old one - and I am always amazed at how many cheers it gets - and the finale was called "Stop Or I'll Shoot" - about this gay kid who just got shot and how we all need to smarten up.
That one got the BIGGEST round of applause - and I felt TOTALLY proud to be a Canadian - that writing and reading a poem about being fucking just sick and tired of homophobia would get such a reaction.
And the bonus:
I won the fucking SLAM competition!!!
My second WIN!!
I can't even believe it!
Anyway, I had to share cuz I'm excited! It was soo nice - everyone there is so cool.
I love Phog and the atmosphere it provides people.
what a great fucking place.
hearts and farts,
Dan.

PS - wonder if i'd like it so much if I DIDN'T win....
Thangs that make ya go hmmmmm...

Canadian Club - On the Rocks

You know - I used to look at leaders of Canada - at least the most well-known (Trudeau, the "JEAN-FATHER" and Paul Martin) and think "quirky", "Unique", "different".
I liked them.
I never EVER thought "fake" or "phoney" or "creep".
I do with this asshole.
He has friends who he is going to want to appoint as right hand men - who used to run Promise Keepers Men's Christian group.
It sucks.
HATING the person who is running the country you LOVE really hurts.
This is the face of Canada.
This is bullshit.
I know it's a minority government - but still.
The fact that we elected this fucker.
I'm disappointed.
I thought we knew better, I thought we were far smarter - I thought we were more evolved.
I don't want Canada to turn into a lap dog for the U.S. while this COCK SUCKER gets fucking richer. I don't want him holding a "free vote" on gay marriage.
I don't want him "cutting GST" so he can CUT social programs and flush the underdogs down the toilet while the rich elitist Christian fucks get more rich.
Nothing about him stands for ANYTHING I like about Canada.
I'm kind of grossed out.
Seriously.
Why the fuck was he elected?
Are rich stuck up SNOBS that fucking stupid?
Seriously.

Embarassed and fucking ANNOYED and PUZZLED,

Dan

My New Favorite Singer

Okay - if this album is ANY inclination of what music in 2006 is going to sound like - all I have to say is THANK FUCKING GOD.
I've been a fan of Jenny Lewis for about the last three years - since Life Partner and I moved into the new house - and always LOVED the way her voice sounded.
Her lyrics are HILARIOUS - insanely catchy - and TOTAL social-commentary without being preachy or...social commentary-ish.
She struck me because she was a TRUE song-writer...more of an observer - just like a "Hey...here's what I noticed..." without even SAYING she noticed it.
Hard to explain.
Her voice is like a deadpan, bored sounding, nonchalant, effortless - but absolutely EMOTION-FILLED, BEAUTIFUL.
Something about her songs are so earnest - almost like something a teenager would write...artless...just...GOD - I love this kind of music.
Her lyrics are just...here's a sample:
"I was stone-drunk, it isn't clear and it doesn't count cuz I don't care."
The band I was familiar with before was Rilo Kiley - she was the lead singer..but this solo album she did with the Watson Twins...holy SHIT.
It's breath-taking.
My first new album of 2006 - and I can't even get over how INCREDIBLE the songs are.
It's like Lucinda Williams w/ Liz Phair and Neko Case. But old, good Liz Phair...
Anyway, download a few songs - The Big Guns, The Charging Sky or Happy are all great starters.
I admit - I still have to buy the album. I only have it downloaded..but this one - for SURE worthy of buying.
had to share!!
Dan

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO....

LIFE PARTNER!!!!!!

That's RIGHT!

Today is the one and only b-day of Mister Wayne Riley the great!

For his b-day we're all going to the good ole Casino Windsor Market Buffet!! Yes, it's a buffet - but this buffet rocks! Everything from Sushi to Fajita's to Curry Stir Frys. I'm so excited to stuff my face - all in the name of Life Partner's FABULOUS B-DAY!!!

He is actually going to go beforehand with Julie because both are borderline gambling addicts. Just kidding. But - not all of us are gamblers - and it's TOTALLY no fun if you're at the Casino with a group of people who aren't playing. Same way it sucks being at the Casino if you're with someone who IS playing and you're not. SO - the non-gamblers are going to meet at the Casino at 4:30, where we'll proceed to stuff our faces. In the meantime, I am going to "Party-Ready" our house.

After we are thoroughly gorged and I gained a MINIMUM of 7 and a half pounds, we are going to return home to smoke birthday pot, drink birthday drinks, play birthday games, listen to birthday music and dance birthday dances.

(Insert party-favour and noise-maker sounds here).

On that note...I should be taking off... Once again - a BIG BIRTHDAY BLOGOUT (like a SHOUT OUT) to Life Partner on his....27th BIRTHDAY!!!!

And to think...we met when you were only twenty one...

*SIGH*

Off to do Birthday Party Things...

LOVE YOU WAYNE!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

signed,

ME!

This gave me a chuckle - it was a fax sent to my work today...

NEW - Men’s Prayer Thursday Mornings, 6am- 7am, Windsor Christian Fellowship Sanctuary
"…I will fill them with JOY in MY house of prayer”. - Isaiah 56:7
All men are welcome to come and pray. This prayer time is an opportunity to draw close to the Lord in private devotional prayer and worship and to come together with other men who are passionate in their love, devotion, and fellowship with God. We start at 6am and end at 7am sharp.

"come together with other men who are passionate"?????

Is this code for Fag Orgy or what???

I wonder how many guilt-ridden quickie blowjobs happen in the parking lot after prayer?

SOmeone get me the holy water!! I'm burnin' UP!

Burned Remains - Yes, they ARE graphic.

"Blisters," a wise poet once wrote, "Are like hymens and promises. They are MEANT to be broken."
Okay - a wise poet didn't write that - I just thought it had a nice RING to it.
Yes ladies and gentlemen, brothers and sisters - two days ago - the inevitible happened: A blister broke.
Exactly what IS NOT supposed to happen. As you can see in this first pic here - my index finger blister was healing up nicely. My ring finger's blister was developing into a nice plump, juicey s.o.b. - and coming out of the bathtub, the biggest, and baddest of all three of my blisters (on my "F-YOU" finger of course) decided to do nothing less than EXPLODE. What you see is a piece of curled, soaked skin and my raw, pink, fresh baby-burned skin underneath, exposed to the entire world.
Ugly and fascinating, isn't it?

It sucks and technically - it is not supposed to happen. Your body is telling you that those blisters NEED to be there for a reason - to heal the skin underneath. The skin is ULTRA prone to infection and regardless of many of my friend's pleas - the last thing I wanted was to break the blisters and get a nasty infection.
But - what's done is done, right? So here you have it - the mother of all blisters busted open and dissected for the world to see.
I was amazed at the amount of fluid that came out - it soaked my hand and literally - splattered the side of the bathtub - which I didn't notice until Life Partner calmly called me in just as he was about to take a bath and politely asked: "Um..is THAT your pus?"

What amazed me the most was the texture of the hanging, loose skin that was once the the blister cover that held the liquid over my burn.
It was rubbery, white, dead. But moist.
It was stretchy. It clung to my hand like an elastic band.
It was shirvelled and disgusting.
Seriously - I was tempted to like - put it in my mouth and CHEW IT.
But, I'm curious about doing that with lots of things - just ask my first boyfriend.
Just kidding.
For the record, I did NOT chew on the dead skin from my broken blister. But - I let it hang there for a while and made sure to take PLENTY of pictures for you fine folk, and of course - my own records and personal "Files".

I think what I really want to get across with these pictures - is how INSANELY deep these burns were. They literally went through SEVERAL layers of skin - and let me tell you - this blister was one MOIST mother fucker.
Even the new skin underneat - was incredibly sensitive to the touch and was like...dripping, ooozing...moist. Like - it wasn't even skin yet.
It was like pink, soft jello.
Meat - a raw steak that had only been STEAM cooked and not seared by a frying pan.
I bet you're wondering what I did with that delicious looking piece of skin hanging from the wound.
I did what I had to. I sliced that bitch off with a pair of scissors and threw it out. I'm kicking myself right now for not stretching it out and getting a picture of just the skin, but whatever. I was kinda worried my cat would eat it and acquire a taste for human flesh.
Hey - stranger things have happened.
Anyway, the next day - the bitch started to hurt. I put HUGE drops of Aloe on it and wrapped it up - but the next day it was even more red.
I also made the mistake of putting KLEENEX on it.
So yeah - not only was it red, irrititated and sticky - but it had flakes of kleenex that I had to flush out with cold water.
Not pleasant. And my hand - NOT in good shape.
I knew it was only a matter of time before it got infected.
And infected it was slowly becoming!

So I made my way to Shopper's Drug mart and bought my self some polysporin (sp?) and dabbed on a generous portion of that and hoped for the best. The pain did go away - but I found it hard to do normal things...like wash my armpits or lather up my hair.
Mind you, I did do a good job of keeping it clean. Minus the kleenex flub of course. But hey, I learned my lesson. I just prayed it would be okay and my finger wouldn't turn black and fall off from some nasty infection.
Anyway, low and behold - today (wednesday) my hand is looking MUCH better. My index finger blister LITERALLY (within one day) shrivelled up and FELL OFF - leaving just a small patch of dry skin behind. My ring finger's blister is slowly but surely shrivelling up the same way my index finger did.
It's just taking longer because it's so huge - but I'm gonna give it till Sunday - and I think it's going to be gone.
At the latest.
My "FUCK YOU FINGER" with the nasty, red blister - is hands-down healing up and doing just fine.
Here's one more nasty picture of my blisters at their worst. Pretty gross. But they seriously are doing a million times better.
Even looking at this picture right now - my ring finger blister is so much more smaller, less-tight...it's kinda getting wrinkly...ready to disappear...thank GOD.
Hell - I might as well quit talking about it and just post a few pictures - of my hand TODAY exactly ONE WEEK after I burned it.




As you can see...the index is basically healed and the middle finger, while still red - is far less red and juicey and it is even getting smaller.
The ring finger is just gettng all soggy and floppy. I'm even tempted to pop that one - just for the fuck of it - but knowing me - and murphy's law - that would be the finger that gets all fucked up and ends up having to be amputated or something.
So yeah - the index finger is lookin DAMN good...and honestly - the middle finger is looking better and less pink by the SECOND.


And I think on that note - I'm gonna sign off as well.
Saturday is Life Partner's b-day so I'm gearing up for that (not that we are making a big deal out of it - but I am excited, I must admit) and I also appeared in not one but TWO advertisements today for - take a wild fucking guess - the CONSERVATIVE PARTY.
"Rick Fuschi EARNED my vote."
For real.
The same guy i fucking tore apart on this blog - I voiced a commercial for him.
I hope I sounded VERY VERY gay.

Hearts farts and healing burns...

dan

29 Year Old Windsor Man Shot in Detroit

A gay kid who is 29 - basically ONE YEAR older than me - was shot last week coming out of a bar called GiGi's in Detroit. He was shot in the head -and left on the street.
This happened a week ago.
Here's the line from the Windsor Star.
Stunned family members of a "peaceful" Windsor man shot outside a northwest Detroit bar last week are gathering to pray while he fights for his life in hospital with his shooter still at large.
Weird.
A Windsor man in a coma - still in the states - in critical condition - and we don't hear about it until a week later -and even then - it's only a fucking 120 word story.
Chris Cecile who hosts Queer Radio on CJAM showed me the piece - which FINALLy ran today.
There are so many fucking aspects to this story which should be running - which NEED media attention.
A) a Windsor man was SHOT in Detroit. Windsor people don't get shot all that often.
B) He was shot infront of a gay bar. Randomly. This could have been a HATE CRIME.
Why this isn't fucking front page news is beyond me.

I know we are trying our hardest to move forward - but it's shit like this - lack of coverage - lack of sympathy - the fact that there's a struggling Conservative group who is OPENLY homophobic who has a good shot at gaining power - the fact that HATE CRIMES are still happening 25 minutes from my fucking HOUSE, the fact that my own friend in CALGARY heard someone call him a fucking FAG under his breath and not a lot was done about it...this scares me.
I know I'm gay - so maybe I'm biased - but JESUS CHRIST - is it not common sense????
What the FUCK???
I know for a FACT if I were straight - I WOULD NOT be homophobic. I wouldn't GIVE A FUCKING SHIT.
Hell - I BARELY give a shit NOW and I am fuckin' gay.
Maybe that's the problem.
Maybe EVERYONE who DOES give a shit - needs to fucking SHOW they give a fucking shit.
If the Conservatives DO come into power - and have a so-called "FREE VOTE" so EVERY Canadian gets their say - we need to fucking SPEAK UP.
We need TO WRITE stories about our own citizens getting SHOT infront of gay bars - and all the possibilities this brings up. All the issues that ARE issues that need - NEED to be addressed.
Kay - I admit - I had a few glasses of red wine tonight and I'm a little over-dramatic - but all this shit doesn't set a very nice climate for me.
I'm kinda scared fo where we're going.
Are we even fucking READY to evolve - or are we still fucking cavemen?
I'll start crying if I write any more.

It's a Family Affair....

Mom, Dad, Sister, Aunt, Uncle, Cousin, Her Boyfriend all came over last night to cook dinner for Life Partner and I.
It was grrreat!
So much for being a vegetarian...BBQ ribs and homemade deep fried chicken wings (so much for losing weight too) - and potato salad, it was like a summertime barbecue in the dead of winter.
We drank warm sake, cheap beer and Life Partner got tipsy on white wine.
A fun time was had by all.
Until someone started yelling - and pulled a knife out.
JUST KIDDING!!
It was strange though...having dinner with all of them in my own house...
Maybe I was just having a nostalgic-weirdo moment..but I mean, when I was a kid - I remember hearing all these stories about my mom and my aunt (sisters) doing stuff when they were kids....me going for dinner at my aunt's house...and now her - having dinner at MY house.
So fucking weird - the way life goes.
Like - John and Corrine (my aunt and uncle) hung out with my mom and dad when my mom and dad were MY age.
My aunt and uncle were telling me stories of how my mom was MAJORLY hot and a super party girl back in early 70's - and how she had guys calling her up all the time - always going out to date - leaving at the spur of the moment to go meet everyone at bars...
she was a TOTAL partier.
Like - they know my parents in ways I will NEVER know them.
And here they were - hanging out with ME now.
I don't know...very strange...(mind you - they started telling me all this stuff about my mom and dad AFTER my mom, dad, sister went home).
It was just weird - hearing a different take on your parents - uncensored and DRUNK - about how they were BEFORE you existed.
It was so weird.
I felt like a fly on the wall..it was just another insight into them - a perspective I never heard before.
"You wouldn't believe it dan..."
they said that.
Anyway - I'm MAJORLY lucky to have the family I have and last night proved it.
Such cool, laid back people.
at any rate - just a little note of props to my lovely family...

outties,

dan

"Hot Water Burn Baby!"

Check out the hands.
The fingers, particularily.
BURNS, baby. BURNS.
Blisters caused by burns of the second degree.
See, I was making some wild rice in the microwave last night and cooked it a little too long.
I opened the microwave door - and was instantly intrigued at the way the cling-wrap mushroomed out like a smurf house around the bowl.
I admit - I was a little baked at the time.
Ever so carefully, I lifted the wrap to see if the rice was done - and was immediately dealt a SHARP, AGONIZING flash-burn as a jet of scalding hot steam shot out and gave my three middle fingers a molten lava kiss of DEATH!

And now - whoala!! Three JUMBO blisters to show for it.
Hey - if you click on this picture - you can get a look at the brown birthmark in my eye too!

Life Parter was not near as impressed as I was with these puppies - but let me tell you - as impressive as they are - I EARNED these bitches.
The pain was fucking HORRIFIC! Instantly after I sprang back in shock and the intial instinct of my body saying "HEY!! THAT FEELING = NOT GOOD!", the skin was already wrinkled - smooth looking - literally "melted" looking.
It was cooked - steam cooked and moving and sliding around the bone.

I instantly shoved my hand under the tap and let it run, not saying so much as a PEEP to Life Parter, to tell him I burned myself.
I wanted to judge for myself how bad it was before I told.
Anyway - call me a wimp - but three fucking HOURS later - it still hurt like hell if I took my hand OUT of running, cold water. It felt like I was being burned all over again.
To the point where it felt like my fingers were going numb - burning, burning burning - and I felt sick to my stomach. And I don't have a HORRIBLE pain thresh-hold - I'm actually pretty good with pain and "sucking it up."
But this - fuck - it really REALLY hurt.
So much heat - trapped inside my fingers.
It fucking killed.
Apparently - (I did some research) there are CRAZY nerve endings in your fingers (seeing as touch is one of our primary senses - and our fingers are pretty much the tools we do the majority of our touching with). So yeah - being only a SECOND degree burn - my nerve endings were pissed off - but not completely destroyed as they might have been if it was an even worse third degree burn - in which case the nerve endings themselves burn away and there isn't even that much pain.
Anyway, I was up till about 3:30am - laying in bed trying to find a comfortable position which would allow me to sleep - with my hand still submerged in the cereal bowl of freezing water balanced on a cardboard box next to the bed.

Eventually, I just set the entire bowl in the crook of my elbow and went to sleep with my hand in the bowl. Mind you, I woke up 15 minutes later thinking I pissed the bed because I was fucking soaked.
See, I'm not the most restful sleeper - I am known to change positions more times than Ron Jeremy when I'm sleeping.
Finally - after taking 4 extra strength tylenol, smoking ONE joint and taking three shots of Raspberry Vodka (thanks Karm and James) I found the strength to suck it up and go to sleep.
Or pass out.
Regardless - I was cozy-wozy for the rest of the night.
Woke up at 7:45am to Pluto jumping on my face and giving me little kitty kisses all over the place - and discovered to my delight - three brand new water-balloon-esque growths on my fingers!!!
They seriously look like they are about to pop.
It's amazing really. I mean - yeah it hurts - and yeah - they kinda look like a cross between some kind of fucked up bling-bling - and a disgusting wart-growth-goiter gone wrong.
But - the idea of it....
My fingers get burned. They weep fluid. The damaged skin doesn't fall off.
Instead - it makes a tent - and holds the fluid the wound is weeping out OVER the burn.
This is nature's band-aid.
The body's way of keeping infection out - and keeping the wound wet with it's own fluids to nurture the new skin back to a healthy, pink, fresh state.
It really is fucking fascinating as hell - how smart our bodies are.
Blows my mind.
Anyway - some tips if you get a second degree burn:
Do not put ice directly ON the burn.
Do not put ointments on it - put it under RUNNING cold water (NOT ICE WATER - this could make it worse) for a minimum of ten minutes or until the burning goes away.
DRUG YOURSELF.
I kid you not.
Every website I have read on second degree burns says the pain is severe - and that you should take some kind of tylenol or "other" pain killer.
When the medical people are you telling you to drug yourself - that means FUCKIN' DRUG YOURSELF.
As tempting as it seems - DO NOT pop the water blisters that form. Let them break on their own - or just disappear. If you break them before they are ready - you are opening up raw, baby skin - which could lead to a fucking NASTY infection - and even MORE of that excruciating pain.
Finally - if you ARE going to cover your burn (which you really shouldn't - let it breath - show those blisters OFF!!" - use a non-fluffy gauze - something that still lets it breath.
They take about 10 days to fully heal.
Nice eh?

At any rate - I'm outta here.
Be safe when you're playing with microwaves and wild rice.
Hearts and Farts,

Danny.

PS - I feel good today - because I gave someone a "NOT GUILTY" verdict.

YAY!!! Fuck systemic..systemicisms.

A Day in my life...

Here's my day in a nutshell:
I go to work for four hours - where I am swamped with writing advertisements for a wedding show, a mould detector, a heart-and-stroke fundraising gala, Clarke Pontiac Car dealership and fuckin' Harley Davidson tailgate superbowl party.
For real.
Punchline:
Before I leave - I have to be a VOICE in the Harley Davidson Superbowl Tailgate party commercial.
Then - I have to go down to the Court House for another four hours to do something I am legally BOUND from writing or talking about.
Hint: It was boring as fuck, but I have to do it every single day for at least the next three days.
More non-specifics later.
Then...the kicker...I get home - and there's a message on the phone for me.
FROM FUCKING SUE JOHANSON!!!!
Yes - the graphic Sunday Night Sex lady - who knows her shit, brings out anatomically correct dolls to puppet out JUST HOW WELL she knows her shit, reviews a different sex-toy once a week - and was recently spoofed on Saturday night Live!!
"WHy the FUCK is she calling ME???" I immediately thought.
I totally forgot that I wrote to her to help me out with this story I am currently working on for UPFRONT Magazine about Sex AddictioN!!
So yeah - I call her back and...well..just got off the phone after talking to her for about 45 minutes - everything from "how much sex is TOO much sex" - write down to the politics of jerking off - when and where it is an is not appropriate -and if sex addicts can get a fix by jerking their meat.
In case you were curious - they can't.

PHEW.

And tonight - a short poetry reading at Phog around 9:30.....

Jesus Christ, no offence to all y'all Christian folk out there, but can my life get any more random???

Seriously.

hearts and shites,

dan

Jesus is My Beverage

When I was a kid - I saw my priest in the liquor store with my dad - and I remember telling my dad that he should ask the priest to leave - that he shouldn't be here and my dad should stand up and kick him OUT of there.
was it that I thought the priest was too good to be in there, where we - the cattle were?
Or was it that I thought my dad was better - and it was the preist who is messing on turf he shouldn't be on.
Neither really. I was just a little mouthy squirrel-boy, jumping around his daddy counting bottles and wondering what those weird smells were.
"Tell him to get out dad," I said. "Tell HIM!!!!!"

I was going through some of my spoken word pieces and found this one and thought I would post it since Ian always gets pissy with me for not posting - so here it is . now remember...

this is spoken word, so it's not really meant to be read.
it's more meant to be performed.

My feature night will NOT be this January - it is going to be in February - near the end. I'll keep everyone posted.
I just didn't really feel like writing because...well -what I would LIKE to write about - I am LEGALLY BOUND to NOT write about tonight.
For real.
I'll enlighten you all next week.
For now - here's a poem about Jesus, Wine, Contradiction, "SPIRITS" claiming the body - and good old fashion DRUNKENESS.


Jesus is my beverage.

"Daddy," I asked "Why is Father
Larry in the Liquor store? He's not supposed to
be here, is he?"

Ever a beast of wisdom,
my father replied:
"He's just stocking up," and then
added: "Stocking up on the blood
of Christ."

And the whiskey of Christ
And the Bourbon of Christ
And the coffee-flavoured liqueur of Christ.

"My Christ," The priest might say,
"Is a Merlot and compliments
a roast beef."

A roasted sow that died
for our sins so we could
stuff our faces with its
corpse and revel in
our holiness, gulping back
liquid Jesus in gluttonous
mouthfuls.

"My Jesus is Wolf Blas,
Yellow label!" cry the Anglicans.

"And ours, a Shiraz..." solemnly sing
the Catholics.

Soldiers of the Salvation Army sip on Jesus
in a juice box - or from brown bottles
with black labels - but only on golf courses,
when the Sargeant's not commanding they stand at attention.

"Fancy the son of God?" my Pastor asked me.
"Dry, or sweet?"

I prefer my passion of Christ as
a wildberry cooler - berry passion
and strawberry kiwi with seven
percent alcohol.

Seven, standing for god.
Six is for Satan.

I buy my Christ by the
six pack plus one extra bottle,
by the case if I feel
particularily spiritual,
and I light a fire and drink
of His blood - passionately -
singing songs of sweet salvation.

"400 bottles of beer on the wall..."
We begin. "Let us proclaim the mystery
of faith."

And we do
as the spittle starts to
seep from my mouth and coat
the neck of my bottle,
as my words start to slur
and hands start to shake
as my gullet starts to heave,

I drink until the HOly Spirit
has claimed this shell of a body
the Lord has bestowed
upon my wretched soul -

And I speak in slurred
tongues the language of
drunks and Christ-like
lovers.

"I am an apostle now!" I proclaim.
"I speak not in words, but in Universal prophecy!"

I speak in epiphany and
unanimous truth.

When words fail me,
the blessed virgins cavort,
claimed and posessed
and writhe in hot body contests,
while I stare.
and stare.

"Blessed is she..." I begin,
but the Lord - he is UPON ME!

"Hail Mary - full of grace...the Lord
is with thee..."

But impatience bites at my earlobe
and I skip to the part
about the fruit in her womb.

"Another berry passion," I tell the waitress.

But it's too late. I'm cut off.
Cut off from the blood of Christ,
of HIM I shall partake no longer,
ex-communicated by bouncers - hounds of hell -
false prophets
ejecting me from the house of the creator,
leading me away from God.
Saying they're right.
I'm the one who's wrong.

"Maybe you should slow down," they say.

"But how?" I ask. "How?"

"I AM ADAM! I AM MAN! I AM HUMAN!
LET US BE AS HUMANS WERE - AS WE'RE
SUPPOSED TO BE:
LET US GET NAKED! NAKED, I SAY!
WE'LL SWIM IN THE MOONLIGHT AND EAT
OF THE FORBIDDEN FRUIT BY
FUCKING UNDER THE APPLE TREE!

Or, I'll settle for a blowjob in dad's car.

I'm drunk and done, spent
and finished
the room is spinning
and the shadows creep up
and swallow me,
starting with my faith,
working their way down.

I sleep with one foot on the floor,
one leg out of bed
to stop the bedroom from shivering

"now i lay me down to sleep."

And tomorrow I'll awake alive
and in tact, sure in my poise
how to look
how to act
I'll go to church
I'll do as I should
and if anyone asks:
"God is good."

"God is very, very good."

And the priest in church
breaks bread and pours wine,
rings the bell and sings praise
while the choir keeps time
and then lifts his chalice over his head
to the sky
and says:
"Drink of his blood, For the end is nigh!"

But of His blood - I can take no more,

my head is still pounding
from the night before.

- Sudbury, October 2005.

My Bisexuality - My Twenty Percent.

Okay.
I'm not REALLY bisexual.
I'm pretty much a full-on phaggot.
However - I have had my share of P to the USSY in my life, so I guess that counts for something.
My friend Zion and I were talking about bisexuality and gay and straight probably seven years ago in 1998 - and we were trying to figure out if "bisexual" is a percentage - and if everyone to some degree is bisexual, what degree would we be?
He insisted he himself is 100% gay.
I disagree - seeing as he too has slept with women on a regular basis at one point in his life - but whatever.
So Ian - if you read this - you're straight.
Totally heterosexual.
Just kidding. Anyway..
He labelled me as 80 - 20.
Eighty percent gay and twenty percent straight.
I thought this was a little high on the straight side - so I agreed to go down to a 90 - 10.
That being said - I am going to post a "PEOPLE I'd LIKE TO BANG" list.
Girls and Boys. Cuz it's alll good.

YUM. Conor Oberst aka Bright Eyes.
This guy is so smoking hot, so talented, so "fuck-me-i'm-a-brooding-tortured-artist" - he makes me wanna go to one of his shows, scream at the sidelines like a Backstreet Boys fan an throw my favorite pair of flannel underwear at him.
YUM.
YUM.
YUM.
He can whip out his acoustic guitar for me ANY DAY.
A fried of mine sold him pot once - years ago - and I envy her for it.
I wish I could have smoked it with him.
Or smoked something else.
ANyway....I'm being creepy now.
But hell - Bright Eyes MAKES me creepy.
*insert cat-in-heat sounds here*


Bjork is hot because she's the coolest chick in the world. There's no one else like her. No one else who looks like her, sounds like her, thinks like her. Everything about this AMAZING artist screams ORIGINAL and BEAUTIFUL.
And in a weird way - sexual.
Maybe she'd be into some weird shit - but hell -it'd be worth it.
I think one night in bed with Bjork would be so fucking cosmic and out of this world.
I think Bjork sets the bar VERY high though, with regard to style, high-fashion, electronic music and even stage performance and presence. This is one chick who has her shit so together.
So yeah - I'd TOTALLY do her.
I'm a sucker for artists, and she's easily one of the best.

YUM YUM YUM.
Canadian "hip hop" white boy - Buck 65. He is getting married to Canadian alterna-queen Leslie Feist - and it's a damn shame he's not a homo.
But - I can still look from afar and fantasize about his hip hop-ness when he grips the mic firmly and brings it to his lips.
Enough.
I'm being creepy again.
What did I tell you.
I'm 90 - 10. Not 80 - 20.

CocoRosie. These chicks put the DOUBLE-YOU in WEIRD!. Seriously.
Currently one of my favorite bands, these two sisters were supposedly seperated at birth only to be joined again years later in a tiny Paris apartment where they started making some of the most FUCKED UP music EVER - they are known for acoustic guitar songs, southern-style harmonies about Jesus and Faggots and their "Nigger Friends" - and the "percussion" part of the band - is the one who didn't have any musical training - so she shakes belts, pours coffee, plays with squeaky toys and shakes change in cups - and incorporates this into these beautiful acoustic songs.
Do yourself a favour.
Download a bunch of Coco Rosie songs, get stoned or drink some wine and listen to them all by yourself.
I guarantee - after one HOUR with CocoRosie on your stereo - you'll want to get in the middle of that Sister-Sandwich too.

Ian Sommerholder.
I first saw him in Rules of Attraction.
He played the Fag much to my delight.
YUM. Yum. YUM.
He does some modelling too.
And - the fucker is a year younger than me.
He's gorgeous though.
So what if he's always frowning?.
So what if he even said some homophobic shit after his make-out scene with the guy who played Dawson in Rules of Attraction.?
I don't care.
Get this "angry frat boy" drunk - and I'll gladly let him take his pent up aggression and internalized homophobia out on me.
I'll be your vessel.
Let it out.
Let it ALL out.

Juliette Lewis has been my favorite actress since 1994 - ever since I saw her in Natural Born Killers. It sounds dumb - but honestly - up to that point - I had NEVER seen a woman so FIERCE in my life.
The first scene, when she smashes the beer bottle while the guy is still drinking out of it - I was in LOVE - and it's been a long-time love affair since then.
She's the coolest shit - who only got cooler since she started a band called the Licks. I had the chance to see her up close and personal at the TINY Magic Stick in Detroit this year - and even better - got to touch her when she LEAPED onto the crowd.
This chick is one FUCK of a musician, one BRILLIANT character actor - and just a flat-out cool-as shit person who I feel LUCKY to share the planet with.
I HEART YOU Juliette!!!

Beth Ditto of the band the Gossip.
The second I saw this chick perform - again - instant love.
She tore off her clothes on stage - after some guy in the audience called her a dyke and begged him to PLEASE come up on stage so she coudl FUCK HIS ASS UP.
Literally - tore her clothes off - screaming at him - and she's a bigger girl.
It was just amazingly empowering.
She OWNED that fucking bar that night - and the DORK who called her a dyke fucking walked out of the bar while the entire crowd CHEERED!!!
AFterwards - literally people were like, hugging each other - some chick came up to me and kissed me on the cheek.
It was PURE AWESOME AMAZING HIGH ENERGY.
The Gossip - and Beth Ditto - will ALWAYS be one of the GREATEST performing bands I have ever seen. If you haven't seen this BRILLIANT three-piece - do yourself a favor next time they are in town.


Hawksley. Hawksley. Hawksley.
If you got any more intelligent, talented and hot - I'd probably go to jail for raping you.
That was a dark joke, I apologize.
But wow...the romance in this guy's voice...blows my mind.
he's a TOTAL poet - musical genius - and fucking HILARIOUS, both in his songs and his interviews.
I have not been lucky enough to see this guy live yet - but the next chance I do - I'm gonna be front row - and yeah - I WILL have my favorite pair of flannel undies with me to throw at his face.
Just kidding.
Okay, I'm getting creepy again. I have to stop.
But so help me god - whoever he wrote "What a Woman" about is one LUCKY bitch.
I wonder if she'd be up to sharing?

Liz Phair.
Of course she's on this list!
First and foremost - I relate to her because she writes about how much of the time - it is HER FAULT for fucking some guy she is trying to get over - therefore -it is HER FAULT she is still fucked up over him.
God bless this sweet, sweet genius of a woman.
Secondly - um - take a LOOK AT HER!
She's fucking pushing forty and she's GORGEOUS.
I love it that she rarely wears much make-up - and if she does - it is all flesh-tone.
While I admit I did prefer her in her "plain-jane" days - when she didn't wear any make-up at all - she is certainly aging well.
Sheryl Crow WISHES she could look like this.
Anyway - she may have sold out music-wise - but one thing can't be denied - Liz Phair was - and still IS one of the HOTTEST chicks in Rock and Roll.
EVER. No exageration.

SHANNYN SOSSAMON. I hope I spelled her name right. She too was in Rules of Attraction
She played the poor mixed up girl Lauryn Hynde who thought some guy was in love with her - but it was just her mind playing tricks on her.
Poor thing.
But - I was hooked.
She was so the kinda chick I would have fallen in love with in University. A bit of a tomboy - but HOT AS SHIT - University cool-as-shit pot-smoker...
WOW.
I remember girls like that.
Loved to hang with them.
Of course - rarely did I get the chance to make out with them - because we were usually at gay bars - but WOW....I'm not sure what is more hot - the character she played or her!

Okay, I have no clue who this guy is - I used him as a picture on this blog before - and SAVED THE PIC!!
He is like, the hottest thing EVER.
I mean, I'm sure he's airbrushed all to hell - and he probably isn't HALF this good looking in real life...but HOLY SHITES.
He's got SOMETHING.
I don't mean to be creepy - but if you can peel your eyes away from his incredible face, arms and pecs for a minute - check out the bulge in the undies.
Plaid too.
This guy is so hot - like...i'd have no problem kidnapping him, holding a gun to his head - force him to strip - then release him and serve the jail time.
It'd be well worth it.
Whoever he is... he's HOT.

Could ANYONE resist this guy??
honestly?

Robbie Williams.
Who wouldn't bang this guy?
He's been on my "Things to Do" list since he was in that boy band TAKE THAT - who I might add - I would probably do every one of them as well.
But ...Robbie..there's something about Robbie.
The snarky attitude...the tattoos...
the pretty boy face....
the dark looks...
the fact that he's always naked.
Yum.
Robbie is one hot brit.





Paul Walker.
How I love his films.
Even the ones that suck.
I especially like Joy ride because you can see his bare ass in it.
He's just plain old CUTE - in a surfer boy kinda way.
one of the hottest actors in hollywood easily.
I guess he grew up as a surfer too, which is even hotter.
He kinda even has the "DUde" surfer slang going on in interviews and stuff.
Look at his arms.
Look at his stomach.
Need I say more? I needn't.

Sufjan Stevens. I have been a HUGE fan of his music for the last year - and today is the first time I ever saw a picutre of him.
Um.
Oh . My . God.
Had I known he was that beautiful, I would have chalked him up on my "MUST DO LIST" long ago.
He is currently working on a 50-album project which focuses on EACH STATE.
So far - he has an album called MICHIGAN and one called ILLINOIS.
ILLINOIS was among my favorites of the year.
What a talented, hottie.

Okay.
Tori Amos MIGHT be a little bit FUCKED in the head.
She might have a hankering for getting fucked up on chemicals once in a while and she might be a little bit over-the top space cadet sometimes.
I had this dream about her once that I was having sex with her - and in the dream - she asked me to PISS on her!!!
Now - I'm not into PISSING on people - NOR am I even really into having sex with women.
But I woke up - and have been strangely attracted to this piano rockin chick ever since.
Explain that one.
Cuz I sure as FUCK can't.




Steve Zahn. Yeah - the guy from Reality Bites. The guy from Joy Ride. He's kinda kooky - but so help me god - I think he's the cutest thing ever.
Ever since Reality Bites I had a weird, twisted crush on this guy -and eleven years alter it still hasn't gone away.
Go Figure.
A weird note to end on - but hell - I'd do him.
Plain and simple.

So that's about it.
Hope you had as much fun reading my "who would I do" list as I had compiling it.

This was actually inspired by Paul's blog - who did a similiar one as wel - so shout out to him for being the inspiration behind this one.

Off to have din-din and play Casino w/ my parents...
hearts and farts,


dan

More Gay Wars with Politicians..this time..the Green Party. Yeah. I'm Shocked Too.

First and foremost - I just want to say - that this chick pictured here - Catherine Pluard - is some COOL SHIT.
She rocks.
She's a hardcore community activist, a big environmentalist, she's helped out with Take Back the Night", The December 6th Vigil, she's performed in the Vagina Monologues - shes a member of the kick-ass "Actiongirls", who support community organizations for women.
She's also the Windsor Tecumseh Candidate for the Green Party - which is also COOL shit.
She knows her stuff - and I couldn't think of a better person to run in this party than her.
However - I read on her Green Party blog something that PISSED ME OFF to no end.
So much so - I wrote to her - to call her on it.
Her blog is www.windsorgreens.blog.ca - and she addresses the "gay issue."
She writes, and I quote:
"I have been having some trouble understanding why there is such an uproar over the topic of same sex marriage. I think I've figured it out. Paul Martin has used this issue to drive a wedge between the citizens of this country and by doing so has exploited every Canadian gay and lesbian couple. "

First of all - if our country is divided because of this issue - it is NOT Paul Martin's fault.
While I do disagree with some of the Liberal Policy - regardless of Paul Martin's motives behind moving this agenda forward - the point is - HE FUCKING MOVED THE AGENDA FORWARD.
Why she is using this against him as some fucked up, twisted, low-blow SMEAR campaign - is beyond me.
The fact that she SPEAKS FOR ME and all gay people by saying we were exploited by this - while this GOVERNMENT was FIGHTING FOR MY FUCKING RIGHTS while others were doing their DAMNDEST to take them away - is fucking offensive.
FLAT. OUT. OFFENSIVE.
What? She couldn't find enough stuff to slam the liberals on - so she decided to use this against him??

While I know she is not homophobic - and she FULLY supports gay marriage - it's comments like this that make the entire party look less than impressive.
THe REAL people who should be slammed - are conservatives - who want to UNDO the work the LIberals did - and bring in a "free vote" - which is code for "Take away the now established rights of gays and lesbians."
THEY are using HOMOPHOBIA to gain votes.
Using EQUALITY to gain votes = GOOD.
Using HOMOPHOBIA to gain votes = Bad.
Whether the Liberals used the gay issue to gain votes or not - does not matter.
THEY DID GOOD FOR CANADA AND STUCK UP FOR HER GAY CITIZENS.
They made Canada far cooler in my book.
They made it one of the most progressive places in the WORLD to live.
While the entire country isn't a gay-friendly mecca - it says SOMETHING when at the very least - your government recognizes you and decides to FIGHT to change something so you will no longer be treated unfairly.
And I bet - for every vote he gained in his little "exploitive gay campaign" - he probably lost a few too.
For ANy government in power to fight for gays and lesbians - is a brave thing to do.
Hell - he's over-thrown now anyway.
If anything - it gave people more of a reason to hate the Liberals, which I am sure many do based SOLELY on his pushing the marriage issue forward until it finally broke.
Bottom line - I have equal rights now.
I don't care HOW the fuck it was done - and if it was the Conservatives who did it so they could make more money in marriage licenses - hell - I'd still applaud them for making it legal.

I was very disappointed by her comments.
I'll keep everyone posted if she responds back...

laters,

Dan

UPDATE!!!!
She responded: Here is her note:
Hi Dan,

Please forgive me for offending you--that was not my intention. I
whole-heartedly apologize. As I said before, I do not think that my
personal opinion on the issue of right for gay and lesbian couples to
get married should be relevant in an election. I strongly feel that it
is government's job to make choices available for Canadian people; not
to impose their own morals and values upon others.
That being said, I would like you to know that I am an active
supporter of gay and lesbian rights. I believe that gay and lesbian
couples should indeed have the right to choose whether or not to get
married. My problem with the whole debate is that it just shouldn't be
a debate.
The fact that Stephen Harper brought this issue up again in
this election is in my opinion deplorable. The fact that Paul Martin
brought this issue up in parliament, fought for the right for gay and
lesbian couples to get married is commendable, admirable and I cheered
loudly the day the bill was passed. The fact that he continues to indulge
this debate within this election is what ticks me off.
I did send this posting as my response to a survey request from
"Enshrine Marriage Canada", a conservative right-wing group that is
trying to sanctify the definition of marriage as the union of one man
and one woman in the constitution.
The problem here is that I have had the opposite effect with this
particular blog posting than was desired. If you would be willing to
meet with me sometime next week, I would really like to discuss how I
can express my point without being so this offensive. My phone number is
*******. I look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely,
Catherine Pluard
GPC Electoral Candidate
Windsor-Tecumseh

SEXXXXXXxXXXX ADDICTtttTT.

Mmmm...
My latest story for UPFRONT Mag is a juicey one, indeed.
About a year or two ago - the editor and publisher decided to start doing "theme" issues.
"GIRLS". "FAME". "MUSIC". "FOOD". "BOOZE".
This month's theme is "ADDICTION".
They assigned me the lovely but daunting task of tackling the ever-taboo, ever-iffy subject of "SEXUAL ADDICTION.
I was instantly flattered as tears of pride flooded my eyes.
So I started doing research on the net - what the FUCK is sexual addiction - what's the difference between a high sex drive and a "sex addict", is porn related to sexual addiction, what kind of "therapy" is required to "overcome" sex addiction?
How much sex is too much sex?
Is it mostly men?
Is it used as a sympathy card?
"Poor little me, honey - it's not ME who cheated on you with the secretary, the babysitter, your sister, your friend Janet, my "friend" Louise and the daycare instructor.
"It was my SICKNESS."
Yes, eyerolls were a-flying as a purused the vast underground world of online "resources" for victims of sexual addiction.
Those poor, poor men.
And - WOMEN TOO!! Who knew THEY had a sex drive??
You learn something new everyday...
Anyway - I came across this guy who seemed to be the shit when it came to the topic of sex addiction.
His name is Dr. Douglas Weiss - he's a Ph.D - wrote a ton of books, he's a therapist..etc.
He had a list of resources all over the world - including some in Ontario - he is based in Colorado Springs, Colorado.
Anyway - I emailed him for the fuck of it - and asked if he'd be up to answering some questions for my smutty little windsor publication.
His "PR" person wrote back saying YES for sure.
"PR person??" I thought. "How many doctors have a fucking PR person...?"
So I did some more research and found THIS little bio...
DOUGLAS WEISS, Ph.D. is a nationally known author and therapist. He has appeared on such shows as Oprah, Sally Jesse Raphael, Leeza, Fox Files and many other national television and radio shows. He is the author of such books as, The Final Freedom: Pioneering Sexual Addiction Recovery, Partners: Healing From His Addiction, Beyond Love, Steps of Hope and 101 Practical Exercises for Sexual Addiction Recovery as well as several articles in recovery and professional magazines dealing with the topic of sexual addiction.
What can I say except:
"SWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET!"
Some dude who was on fuckin' Oprah is gonna be my contact for a sex addiction story!! And Sally Jesse!!! Now I am twice removed from the cast of Surreal Life!!! How SWEEET is that?
And it was just a total random "Okay..I'll email this guy..."
Can I pick 'em or can I pick 'em??
But yeah - I did some more research on this dude to prep for some questions to ask him without sounding like a fucking bumbling ill-prepared BOOBY - and I see he has a bit of a JESUS slant to some of his work.
Now...
How much of a slant, I can't really tell.
But there is a link to religious books on his website - and he has a line that mentions something about Sexual addiction being linked to tons of things (boredom, loneliness, sexual abuse) but also - a "GOD HOLE".
I'm DYING to ask him what a God Hole is.
Anyway, it should be a fun article - the issue comes out in February.
If you pick up a current issue of UPFRONT - they just updated the pictures in the front for the writer's profiles - and yeah - I'm doing my PARIS HILTON "tilt-the-head-to-one-side-and-look-like-a-praying-mantis" pose for my pic.
Anyway, if anyone has ever had any questions about sexual addiction - curious or confrontational - ask away - cuz I can ask Dr. Weiss....

Love kisses and hearts and farts and lots and lots of online porn looked at in solitary,
Dan

You Just Don't Know When...

I was reading Mike's blog today about Nathan Christoffersen - he was a gay activist and writer in Fresno California.
The essay Mike linked from his blog was called "Leaving Your Legacy" and it was about his experiences as a young, gay kid - first coming out at age 21 and experiencing the whole "scene" for the first time, as a piece of fresh meat.
I found it EXTREMELY interesting because a) it was JUST written this past June and b) he was exactly the same age as me - born in 1977 - so his looking back at being 21 - was LITERALLy the exact same time I was 21.
The "in" songs - were the same. I could picture the time and era PERFECTLY because I was there then too. I still associate Robyn's "Show Me Love", Celine Dion's "Titanic song" and Janet Jackson's "Together Again" with that era - because that was all the gay bar played. I swear - anytime I walked into that bar during that era - one of those songs would be playing.
I remembered how freaked out I was going to a gay bar for the first time.
TOTALLY freaked out.
My ONLY "gay influence" up to then - was what I saw on Donahue (yeah - I said "Donahue") and shit kids at my highschool and gradeschool used to say about "Fags who go to the Happy Tap".
And here I was - just a KID in first year university - ENTERING into that infamous bar.
I was so naive at this point - I HONESTLY thought in the back of my head "Maybe it's not REALLY a gay bar. Maybe that's just all talk and rumour."
For real!!
"That can't REALLY exist here in Windsor."
No word of a lie - that was my train of thought. I knew I was gay - but I couldn't imagine that there was ANY kind of gay community in Windsor because it was just so underexposed - or I was just SOOO not "with it".
I had a few gay friends at the time - who weren't exactly beacons, welcoming me to come out safely - nor were they supportive at all.
Sure - maybe it was obvious I was a closet case - but they should have recognized that and gave me some space and made it comfortable for me - rather than try to yank me out of the closet and bully me - almost like a kid in gradeschool up against the wall - surrounded by "the in crowd" saying "Come on! You're gay! Admit it! Just say you're gay. You're gay. It's so obvious. Just say it. Come on! You're a fag."
Way to support me, fags.
My straight friends and close circle of friends were more supportive.
Most noteably Karm - who went to bat for me several times defending WHATEVER it was I said about myself - even if I was lying to myself and everyone else - it was a TRUE support system and gave me my own space to come out when *I* was ready.
Anyway...enough of this...
Back to the writer...and the new "gay experience". He writes about how right away he met this older guy who was HIV positive. and up until then - he had a narrow minded, uneducated ignorant train of thought of what it meant to be HIV positive.
But he learned from this older person who he immediately befriended (and did not sleep with) about the kinds of choices, the scene, shallowness, depth - whatever - the ins-and-outs of being a new, young kid in this exciting, scary, fabulous, dream-like, surreal scene.
Because of this - it gave him a new outlook on life - and the gay scene - and he kind of had the chance to look at the entire thing with a maturity and a wisdom that usually only comes with having LIVED it.
I related to this too...because I remember thinking how reckless I felt at the time.
When all was out in the open - and I was the single guy at the bar - and all the guys who used to try to bully me out of the closet were now trying to sleep with me - and I saw this whole entire new world of guys who I could potentially sleep with...I have to admit - I felt kinda like a kid in a candy store.
Where to begin...where to begin...
Although I was a prude by no means whatsoever - I didn't QUITE slut it up to the random one-night-banger fucks every other night the way some people I knew did.
Mind you - I'd still hop into the sack on the first date - but I didn't have a TON of dates either.
And it's fucked up.
TOTALLY fucked up.
Because I remember seeing other guys my age - TOTALLY doing it up on the dancefloor - making out with a different guy every week - getting with different guys every night - (not that promiscuity is BAD - but RECKLESSNESS can be dangerous especially with sex) and you could tell they were living for the MOMENT - which is kind of in itself beautiful and something to be admired...but at the same time - it's a product of being naive.
Invincible.
When you first come out - at least when I did - i was living large, indestructable.
I could sleep with a guy if I wanted and not have to worry about being judged.
Guys wanted to sleep with me and I could openly accept if I wanted.
It was freedom, power - living LARGE.
It's like you FINALLy become "YOU" - it's like hitting puberty and feeling TRUE sexuality for the first time EVER.
It's like your penis is a brand new toy and all you wanna do is share your FABULOUS new toy with any or all of the people who are now lined up to play with it.
YOWZA.
Slut potential in 1998 was HIGH AND MIGHTY - but I never QUITE got there.
But others did, and part of me envied their sexual freedom - but part of me didn't see eye to eye either. To each his own.
And now - I know at least three of those guys are HIV positive.
It's terrifying, because I was RIGHT THERE next to them.
They are my age!
It's just - HIV is not a real thing - at least it was NOT to me when I was 21.
But it was just as real back then - it was sitting RIGHT BESIDE ME tapping me on the shoulder at those bars, to the tune of Robyn and Janet Jackson and Aqua's Barbie Girl.
Luckily - and I am chalking it up to PURE luck - because i certainly didn't always have a sense of "good judgement" - so LUCKILY - HIV skimmed me by.
Knock. On. Wood.
It's frightening though - I think this writer really sums up the feeling well in his essay - just seeing that recklessness - that "power" - alive and acting and rippling through these crowds of young guys...it's just..."wow".
Danger-exciting.
You can read his essay here http://www.gayfresno.com/content/view/76/2/
Anyway - what really freaked me out about this guy's essay was not the fact that I could relate.
What really made me think - is the fact that he literally just DIED - like, 15 days ago!!!
On the homepage for the online publication he wrote for gayfresno.com - is his obituary. It didn't say HOW he died..but - he's gone.
The entire essay was about him planning on leaving his mark as an activist, writer, passionate guy etc...and he had no idea he only had six months (less than half a year) to live.
That is insane.
That's a bigger wake up call than anything.
The fact that we are all mortal and are going to die - and it could be anytime.
This guy was my age - just getting going - getting somwhere - planning on leaving a mark...and now he's gone.
Very strange - because we just NEVER know, do we ?
We have no CLUE!
We can go any second.
Totally freaks me out - but it does make me want to go out and DO something too.

*sigh*
the question though....
is "But what?"

Ah well...I'm gonna go smoke a J.

Dan

New Year

Well - Happy 2006.
It was a weird new year. My first sober new year's eve in probably 13 years, which is ridiculous - but true.
I worked the booth - it was cool - mellow but cool. The fireworks were kinda lame...but whatever.
Everyone really did their own thing this year.
Karm and James went to B.C. and Calgary...
Faust went to Mexico.
Julie stayed in Leamington.
Danielle stayed in Tecumseh.
I went to work.
Life Partner stayed home.
Jeff...? Kerri...? Heather...?
I didn't get the chance to talk to them...:(

Anyway - it was cool. Nice, mellow - and I even got to see the Bangles perform at Dick Clarke's Rocking New Year's Eve party (on T.V.) - which every single paper has made it a point to say "Dick Clarke will ABSOLUTELY IN NO WAY BE ANYWHERE NEAR A WHEELCHAIR this New year's Eve."
Okay.
We get it.
He WON'T be in a wheelchair.
Heaven forbid -he be in a wheelchair.
He's only 3 centuries old.
Anyway, gonna keep this short and sweet because I am going to devote this day to hanging out with Life partner (something I haven't had the chance to do enough this holiday) and be mellow and watch movies and not worry bout nothin'.

My New Year's Resolutions for 2006

1. Lose weight and get into BETTER shape.
2. Learn how to use my crock pot more - at least THREE dishes (this isn't hard - this is TOTALLY realistic and achievable, i just have to get off my arse).
3. Completely and 100% secure a position at CHUM - full-time - in the union as a News WRiter if I can swing it. This is a tough goal to achieve, so i won't be COMPLETELY let down if I don't get into the union...but - I really REALLY REALLY more than anything hope I am still doing what I am doing this time next year because I love it so much.
4. More poetry readings and more fun special events like the XXXMas cabaret - I totally wanna do more stuff like that this year.
5. Interview either Liz Phair, Juliana Hatfield, Donita Sparks, Kathleen Hanna (or any ember of Le Tigre) or Beth Ditto.
6. Jam more with Duff Jam Durham.
7. Blog everyday.
8. Write more short stories.
9. Continue writing for UPFRONT and local publications.
10. Learn pro-tools and learn how to board operarte at the station.
11. Become a vegetarian. It's fucking hard. SO hard. But - I feel fucking guilty for eating meat. I do. I know I'm gonna fall off the wagon - but =- I wanna make a conscious effort MORE this year than ever. I've been an on-again off again vegetarian for the last 7 or 8 years - this year I'm gonna REALLY TRY again to slowly but permanently cut meat out of my diet - forever.

and I use the term "diet" loosely.
See Resolution #1.
Oi Vay.

That's it for today.
Hope everyone has a GREAT day and had a happy night last night.
Hope everyone's hangovers are healing as we speak.

laters
dan